Chapter 193 It's Not Fair

As soon as the door was closed, Bell fell back against it. She took several deep breaths slowly through her nose to keep her heartbeat even. Then, she squeezed her hand into a fist, her nails digging painfully into her palm.

‘Breathe…’ she thought to herself. ‘Breathe…’

The panic was settling. She pushed herself off the door and moved to the counter, leaning on her hands against the cold surface. Bell lifted her gaze to the mirror.

The look in her eyes was frightened and angry.

“Stop…” she whispered as softly as she could. Taking another deep breath.

A warm irritation of oncoming tears made her close her eyes and hang her head.

The deep knot in her stomach left her feeling frustrated, angry, and confused.

‘Galen is not him…’ she told herself. ‘He would never…’

She gripped the counter tightly, clenching her jaw as she desperately tried to hold the door of her memories shut.

Every moment with Galen was the complete opposite of her time with her mate.

She felt loved, appreciated, and safe. Bell knew that Galen would never force her to do anything that she didn’t want to. He would never intentionally hurt her.

And yet…

When they had reached their climax together, the incredible sensation of being with him completely had lowered her guard. But, at that moment, she had remembered things and emotions she didn’t want to.

Feeling Galen ready to go again, ready to just continue without a word. There had been a brief but real moment when she thought of ‘him’, and how he never gave her a choice.

Bell bit down on her lip painfully.

At that moment, she had feared Galen. It was barely a passing thought, but it had been there.

‘It’s not fair…’ she thought to herself angrily.

Her time with Galen was genuine, it was what she wanted. Every ounce of pleasure she had felt with him was entirely her own.

But, she felt pleasure with her mate too..

In all the horrible things he did to her, in the pain he caused her. Every time he forced himself inside of her, every time he injured her from their time together.

She had felt pleasure.

Bell would cry out and scream, beg him to stop, while at the same time, her body would react to him. She would move with him, hold him to her, and ride the wave of ecstasy that came with each orgasm.

That was the mate bond for her.

He felt her fear and pain through their bond, which only increased his pleasure. He, in turn, would pour his satisfaction into their bond. Forcing himself on her body and her mind.

Galen loved her. He wanted to be kind and sweet. He wanted to cherish her, and all she could think of was the monster she had escaped.

Bell had spent the past six years learning to be comfortable with people again. Developing bonds, opening herself up to others, and trusting them.

Galen was the only one to ever touch her heart after what she had been through.

Maybe it was too soon.

Bell stifled a sob.

***

Bell had spent almost an hour in the bathroom. After calming down a bit, she took a long bath. It helped to relax her and allowed her time to work through some of her thoughts, but Galen had never joined her.

She toweled off and grabbed one of the soft robes she kept in the linen closet. Unlike the robe from downstairs, this one was intended for comfort and warmth.

Bell left the bathroom; she was surprised by what she found.

The candles had all been blown out and removed, so had the rose petals. The music was gone, and a small table with two chairs had been set up. On the table, she saw the bucket holding the champagne and the plate of chocolate-covered strawberries.

“Galen?” Bell called out, not seeing him anywhere.

“I’m here,” his warm voice called from the door, as he walked in carrying a small tray.

“What’s all this?” Bell asked, walking to the table.

Galen pulled two plates off the tray and set them down. One plate was an assortment of sliced fruits, while the other had meats and cheeses. He set down two champagne glasses and looked up at Bell with a smile.

“This,” he said, “is a midnight snack.”

Bell laughed. She noticed that he was fully dressed in a t-shirt and lounge pants.

“You got dressed,” she said.

“Why don’t you get comfortable,” Galen said, nodding towards the bed.

Bell turned to see a similar outfit laid out for her. She raised an eyebrow but didn’t object, instead, she took the outfit and changed into it, noticing that he turned away when she dropped her robe.

“Why didn’t you join me in the bath?” Bell asked once she was dressed.

Galen pulled out her chair and waited for her to sit.

Bell smiled at his silly, but chivalrous, actions.

She took a seat, tucking one leg under her and pulling her other foot on the chair so she could rest her arm on her knee.

Galen popped the champagne cork and poured them each a glass before taking his seat. Then, he offered her one of the strawberries.

Bell took it, keeping her eye on her husband.

Galen looked up at her and then smiled.

“I was giving you some space,” he said.

Bell’s eyes widened.

“Wow… not even married for five hours and already ‘giving each other space’,” Bell sighed with irritation. “Didn’t think we would crash and burn so quickly.”

She took a bite of the strawberry and looked away from Galen.

“Bell,” Galen called.

Bell refused to look at him, taking another bite of the strawberry. She knew she wasn’t being fair. But neither was he, it wasn’t fair that he knew her so well… that he knew what she needed before she did.

Her eyes were blurred from the tears gathering, that wasn’t fair.

She was feeling touched when she wanted to feel annoyed, that wasn’t fair.

Wanting to be in his arms while she was still too afraid to touch him. That wasn’t fair.

“Take your time,” he whispered.

She looked back at him slowly.

Galen smiled at her, his gentle affection. The warmth and acceptance in his eyes. Bell couldn’t hold it in. The tears fell from her eyes, a heavy sob escaped her lips.

He moved his chair closer but still didn’t touch her, only speaking softly as she cried. Reassuring her that he was there, that she was ok.

It was almost twenty minutes before she stopped, she had pulled her knees to her chest. Now sitting quietly with her chin resting on her knees.

Galen sat forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees as he waited patiently for her to speak again.

Bell’s eyes moved to the table of food. She had eaten the strawberry, but the rest was left untouched, including the poured glasses of champagne.

“I have never liked champagne,” she said. “It tastes like apple cider gone really, really bad… I also don’t like apple cider.”

“Good to know,” Galen chuckled.

Bell nodded, her eyes still avoiding him, she swallowed down the heavy feeling in her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Bell scoffed.

“Galen, it’s our wedding night, you had this whole romantic thing set up, and I ruined it…” she said. “Even you can’t be that understanding.”

“Bell,” Galen said, scooting a little closer to her. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

She scoffed again.

“I’m serious,” he said. “All I want is to be with you. Whether we are in bed together, sitting here talking, or downstairs playing board games. I don’t care. As long as I am with you.”

Bell lifted her head and glanced at the door.

“Is there a board game set up downstairs?” she asked.

“The Game of Life and Battleship may or may not be set up,” he said. “We need to get more games, by the way. Your collection is weak.”

Bell laughed.

“Well, I haven’t really had a reason to build a collection. Ash was too busy with her training for game nights, and Renee would spend the whole time gossiping.”

“I love board games,” Galen smiled. “I have a bookcase of them back home. So I’ll start bringing them when I visit.”

“Sounds good,” Bell said.

They were quiet.

“How did you know,” she finally asked. “That I wasn’t ok.”

Galen reached out his hand, she took it.

“I was worried already,” he said. “Knowing about your past, no matter how much you have grown, I knew tonight was going to be a big deal. It’s why I tried to hold back. I wanted to take it slow in case you changed your mind.”

“You would have been ok with that?” Bell asked. “If we had stopped in the middle?”

“I won’t lie, I would have been disappointed,” Galen laughed. “But I would rather that than let you have regrets about us being together.”

“I don’t!” she quickly said. “It’s not… I don’t regret that we were together.”

“I’m glad,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“I think I might just need some time…” she said.

“Take all you need,” he said, “just don’t hide it from me. Please. I understand if you need time, space, whatever. Just talk to me.”

“I wasn’t–” she tried to deny.

“Bell,” Galen interrupted. “For me, your heartbeat is the most unique and beautiful sound in this world. I can hear it clearly; I feel it as if it were my own. The panic, the fear. I don’t need a mate bond to understand you, to know what you are feeling. Your heart tells me everything already.”

Bell chewed her lips, unsure how to respond.

Galen stood up, tugging at her hand slightly. She looked up at him.

“Let’s go. I will sink your battleship,” he smiled.

Bell laughed. She stood up.

“On one condition,” she said.

“What’s that?” he asked.

Bell wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. Their lips touched in a gentle kiss. She smiled at him as they pulled apart.

“I may not be ready to have sex yet, but that doesn’t mean I am not ready for anything.”

“Ok…”

“So…” she smiled. “If I win battleship, you will do whatever I want to my body, and if you win, I will do whatever you want to your body.”

Galen swallowed and cleared his throat.

“That… sounds acceptable.”

The newlyweds hurried downstairs to start their game night. They talked and laughed, and by the time the game was over, Bell was more than happy to sit back and enjoy her victory.