CH 16

This Will Hurt, Stay Strong

Translated by boilpoil

Edited by boilpoil

After lunch, Bai Yao takes the little sea otter upstairs to his bedroom. He lets him sit on the carpet in the room, while he sits opposite him with legs crossed.

Only when he’s about to speak does Bai Yao realise it’s not easy to teach. It’s easy for him to transform, but listing the steps out is something he doesn’t even know where to begin with.

It feels like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, or like a python shedding its skin, but just, like, changing the outer layer of the body, going from one body to another body.

If Bai Yao transforms for the little sea otter, it’d probably be great visual aid, but he really doesn’t want to show his original animal form unless absolutely necessary.

This sentiment is shared by most sentient beastkin, who would never show their original forms their entire conscious lives. They are born human, lives like humans and do their best to forget they can turn into animals, because this is nothing to be proud of. It’s not even much of a superpower, because they’ll only be treated as freaks by humans. They could be locked up and experimented upon.

More and more sentient beastkin treat this transformation ability as a shame.

Bai Yao speaks slowly, under the impression that the little sea otter might understand better if he does.

“Relax your body first, and close your eyes.

Can you imagine a barrier? It’s not too thick or thin, and it’s transparent.

You can see yourself reflected on it. You’re a sea otter, and it’s like a mirror;

Now you imagine yourself on the opposite side of the barrier. You break through it.

Are you seeing yourself reflected? Imagine you on the other side as human. Listen. Listen for his heartbeat.”

The little sea otter, meanwhile, is distractedly playing with the abalone shell he smuggled upstairs. He did do his best to listen, but perhaps the words are still too vague. His attention drifted almost immediately.

Bai Yao patiently tried to explain again and again, going through every method he thinks useful.

He doesn’t even remember the last time he transformed. Maybe once or twice when he was still a teenage brat? Going off to scare the neighbouring kids. Now that he thought about it, it was really lucky he wasn’t reported to the authorities as a wild snow leopard cub wandering in urban areas.

“It will hurt, but you have to stay strong,” Bai Yao says. There is no difficulty in transforming. It’s part of their physiology. Do it once and they know how to do it for life.

Still, the little sea otter is distracted. Not even shutting his eyes when Bai Yao asks him to.

Bai Yao, meanwhile, is parched and has nothing else to say. He’s worried he might have actually brought home a magical sea otter that can nod and shake his head only, but he’s here teaching him how to turn human like a dummy.

Does this count as causing undue distress on wild animals?

Another short and unfruitful session later, Bai Yao scratches his head, taking his cigarettes out in frustration, but with one in hand, he remembers the little sea otter being sensitive to the smell, and throws the pack onto the bed.

The little sea otter doesn’t understand what Bai Yao is doing, and he slowly wobbles behind him, and starts playing with the little bun Bai Yao tied behind his head.

Like a kitty pawing at a kitty toy.

Bai Yao lets him play as he wishes for a bit, before sighing, “it’s fine, I see you don’t want to learn.”

He’s out of ideas, and his voice is audibly devoid of energy. He has given up, and will accept him for who he is, respecting his choice to be treated as a real sea otter.

The little sea otter looks up at a dejected Bai Yao and his little wrinkles between the brows, and squeaks, perhaps as an apology.

Animals are sensitive to human emotion. He knows he’s disappointed Bai Yao.

Bai Yao stands up, puts his hands in his pocket, and thinks about the prep work downstairs that he has to start now. Having already turned around, though, he hears a little painful yelp from behind, that seems distinct from the usual yelp, because the sound transformed more into a human ‘ah’ than a squeak.

He turns back around, his eyes widening.

The little sea otter’s thick fur is retreating, turning into rather white skin. His body is enlarging, and his paws are turning into proper hands.

During the transformation, all the pebbles and shells he’s keeping in his pockets fall right out onto the ground. In just a few seconds, that grey and fuzzy sea otter is gone, replaced by a clean, white boy on the carpet.

Bai Yao never imagined how the little sea otter would look when he transformed.

Now he knows that he’s actually a really good-looking guy. Pretty handsome and friendly.

Actually, ‘pretty,’ too. His eyes are large and watery, like a doe’s eyes. They carry the clean gaze Bai Yao is familiar with. His slightly overgrown hair is soft and a little lighter than black in colour, reminding Bai Yao of the soft fur on the little sea otter’s head.

He’s a good and gentle little beauty.

The boy appears tense, and his eyes appear big because they’re widened. His breathing is hasty, like he’s having an asthma attack or suffocating.

He looks up at Bai Yao, and supports himself on the ground, trying to stand up, though he is clearly unfamiliar with his current form, as he tumbles and falls back down.

Bai Yao is too shocked to react in time, so the boy falls down with a thump.

After that, he doesn’t get up, and instead mumbles something at the floor beneath him. The mumbling sounds more like sea otter squeaks than anything intelligible.

Of course, the timbre of the sound is different as his vocal cords are human ones.

Bai Yao isn’t sure how to react now. He thought the little sea otter might finally say hello or talk a little when he turns, explaining why he wouldn’t turn or something.

He didn’t expect to see this. To see something akin more to an animal turning into a human for the first time than vice versa.

The boy looks around, and furrows his brows, picking up the shells and stuff scattered about, lifting them up to Bai Yao. When Bai Yao does not react, he makes a troubled ‘mmph,’ and extends his arms for, wanting him to hold them.

Bai Yao extends his hands almost subconsciously, and the boy quickly puts all the stuff carefully in his palm, looking at them longingly as they leave him.

After that, the boy lies flat on the ground. His hands brush together like a sea otter would, and then he puts them criss-cross on his chest, closes his eyes in peace, and becomes motionless.

Bai Yao stands there, stunned, with an assortment of shells and pebbles in his hands, waiting for the boy to reopen his eyes. This does not happen. The boy remains lying on the ground like a statue. His breathing is shallow.

A while later, having finally recovered enough of his senses, Bai Yao kneels to poke the boy on the arm, to ask him what he’s doing.

The boy with eyes closed seems spooked, moving backwards and shooting his eyes open, looking frightenedly at Bai Yao.

“Don’t worry,” Bai Yao speaks as gently as he can, “hello?”

The boy furrows his brows. He opens his mouth, but no words come. Bai Yao just watches him patiently, waiting for him to try.

Finally, after a long time, maybe knowing it is impolite, the boy finally decides to return the greeting, “he… rro.”

After that, he closes his eyes once more.