CH 47

I’m a genius. This is something that everyone, both myself and others admit. 

Since I was little, I could win anything in just a few tries. When I played Othello with my family, I lost to the whole family at first. But three days later, I was second to none in this family. The first time I felt defeated was when I was in the second grade of elementary school and went to an arcade with my family.

“Why…?”

I’ve never lost to someone more than five times in the same way, but when I played Wah-Wah Panic 20 times, my score differed from my brother’s by more than 20. It may be sly, but I tried it with both hands. I still couldn’t win. I was one year younger than my brother, so I thought it was because of that and tried again a year later, but I still couldn’t beat my older brother’s score.

Then I researched what caused me to lose to my brother only in wah-wah panic. And I realized that I was more talented than anyone else, but I couldn’t beat my brother’s reflexes alone. I couldn’t beat my brother at all in games that involved a lot of reflexes. 

Then, when I was a little sick, my gentle brother lost on purpose. That was the most frustrating. After that, I trained my reflexes, but it didn’t make a difference. To be honest, I’m a genius, but my brother’s reflex speed is far from human.

In my mind, my brother was a person with a talent that I could never beat, no matter how hard I tried.

“Oh, hey …”

“Shut up. Don’t talk to me.

I complained to my brother who tried to warn me about going to my room without cleaning the dishes and headed to my room. Yes, I’m in a rebellious phase. I am aware of that, but I still can’t help but be rebellious towards my brother who has a talent I can’t beat.

“Oh, onii-chan…”

“Hmm…?”

When I was in the third year of junior high school, my rebellious phase ended and I made eye contact with my brother for the first time in years, I regretted it. I regretted it because the color in my brother’s eyes was completely different from the past. I remembered that my older brother used to be a man who would do anything that interested him. The same brother now stays in his room after school except for dinner. And on his days off, he stays indoors all day as well. I really wanted to know why he was like this, so I looked into it.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry……”

In the middle of the night when I found out why, I went to my brother’s room and apologized in tears.

I was the cause of my brother’s change.

My older brother has good reflexes, so he was better in any sport than anyone at first. However, as the people around him got used to it, he became the worst at it cause he wasn’t talented.

“What … you were good at first, but now you suck. Your sister’s such a genius ~. Did she suck all your talent away?”

It seems the same thing was said no matter what sport he tried. At that time, If he could do his best for another year or so, he would have been better than these guys, but my brother wasn’t mentally strong. He stopped playing sports. But he still had friends at school. And wasn’t in a rebellious phase at that time.

“Hmm … your sister’s excellent, but you’re …”

“Excuse me”

“Are you really brother and sister?”

“I’m sorry”

As I became more and more successful in sports and academics, I became so famous that there was no one in town who didn’t know me. Then my brother started to be compared to me, his sister, in everything. Even the teachers began to make fun of him. From that time on, he was in a rebellious phase.

“Hey, hey! Introduce me to your sister!”

This is the line that people who become friends with my brother usually say the day after they become friends. My brother is kind to me. That’s why he would never introduce me to someone who would say something like that.

“Hey don’t be mean …”

“Are you a siscon… I feel sick …”

“If you don’t introduce me, why should we be friends. Give me back my time.”

And when he refused, he was told those lines. Gradually he became a loner and lost all his friends in high school.

“Get away from me… you creep …”

And when he came home, I the source of his suffering would say this to him. I guess my brother had his rebellious phase too. But my rebellion came first, and he saw my parents struggling with my rebellion. So my brother stifled his feelings.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry……”

“It’s okay”

“But … but …”

“I’m fine”

Even when I apologized, my brother cared for me. He didn’t complain. On the contrary, he comforted me. It’s clear that saying it was okay was difficult. At that time, for the first time, I realized my feelings toward my brother were unusual. I’ve been confessed to in numbers more than three digits in my life. But I didn’t go out with anyone. I didn’t find anyone attractive. No one was better than me. I wanted someone close to me who had something better than me in. I wanted someone who would take good care of me even if my heart was worn out and tattered. I have love that’s not familial love for my brother.

“OK …”

But it’s too selfish for me to feel this way after all I’ve done to him. And more than anything, it’s wrong for siblings to feel this way. I’ve decided to take this feeling to my grave alone. But as family, I want to atone for what I’ve done. I have to.

From that point on, I decided to use all of my talents only for my brother. Whoever tormented my brother, I would kill them socially. If I actually killed them, I wouldn’t be able to support my brother in the future, so I stuck with socially. No matter how small the wrongdoing, no one can say that they didn’t do it. If you look down on the small misdeed, people get complacent. So in revenge, I did something bigger. And then no one could say anything bad about my brother anymore.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“You’ll get it next time, it’s okay! Don’t be depressed!”

“Do you feel sick? Don’t overdo it?”

I entered the same high school as my brother. Then the teachers who had been so cruel to my brother said this to me. They were so hard on my brother but were like this to me. It’s not something I could say out loud, but I thought people were very ugly.