Ch116 - Extra Chapter: Hua Mao (Prequel)

Extra Chapter: Hua Mao (Prequel)

Content warnings: Dear readers, this is a very dark and disturbing chapter which includes the following: grooming, rape of a minor, attempted rape, underage sex, self-harm, attempted suicide, and violence. A drop down menu will appear before graphic text to give you the option of whether or not to read this content.

Chen Zhiqiang was once a comely child.

Since he was young, the neighbors would say that Zhiqiang was really attractive and likable. With a pale face and soft facial features, he was like a female doll since he was young, always wearing clean clothes.

Chen Zhiqiang’s family was poor. His parents were too busy trying to make a living and rarely minded him. But Chen Zhiqiang didn’t really make adults worry about him, and he got to middle school without any trouble.

When he first entered middle school, he was short and looked like a girl, so he was often bullied by his peers. But Chen Zhiqiang’s temperament was mild and well-behaved. If he was bullied outside, he would endure it and never talked about it at home. By the time he was fourteen or fifteen years old, Chen Zhiqiang was tall and looked like a boy, so no one bullied him anymore. His grades even ranked in the middle of his class. Chen Zhiqiang wanted to go to high school. He didn’t dare to think about college. He just wanted to finish high school and at least go to a technical postsecondary school. After graduating, he would find a steady job to do and lighten the burden on his family.

So Chen Zhiqiang was still a good student at that time. He was at least a well-behaved student.

In his last year of middle school, a new teacher came to Chen Zhiqiang’s class.

The teacher was very young, just twenty-five or twenty-six years old. It was said that he was a graduate of Normal University. Once this male teacher entered the classroom and introduced himself, all the female students below blushed—what a handsome teacher. Even if they walked through the whole school, they wouldn’t be able to find such a handsome teacher.

Chen Zhiqiang was shocked when he saw this teacher. They had met once before.

It was raining on the way to school that morning. When Chen Zhiqiang had walked halfway there, someone ran over hurriedly in the rain and said to him: “Classmate, can I share the umbrella with you?”

Chen Zhiqiang saw that he didn’t seem like a bad person, so he placed half of the umbrella over his head. That person smiled as he thanked him. He chatted warmly with Chen Zhiqiang the whole time as they walked, until they reached the front gate of the school.

“Why don’t I lend this umbrella to you?”

Chen Zhiqiang was kind-hearted. He had arrived, but the other person had not yet arrived.

That person didn’t refuse. He took the umbrella with a smile.

“I will return it to you.”

Chen Zhiqiang didn’t expect that there would be such a coincidence, that this person was actually the new teacher.

After class, the new teacher called Chen Zhiqiang to the office.

“Thank you for your umbrella.”

Chen Zhiqiang thought that this teacher was very kind and good-looking when he smiled, which gave him a favorable impression.

“How are you a teacher?” Chen Zhiqiang couldn’t help saying.

“I don’t look like one?” The teacher was called Wang Ming. He looked at him with a smile.

“You don’t,” Chen Zhiqiang said honestly.

“Then what do I look like?” Wang Ming seemed to really like talking to Chen Zhiqiang.

“I can’t say. Either way, you’re not like a teacher.”

“Haha!”

Wang Ming laughed loudly. His laughter was bright and energetic. Wang Ming warmly rubbed Chen Zhiqiang’s head.

Wang Ming taught chemistry. He soon became the most popular teacher in the grade.

His classes were very good and lively, and he was interesting and got along well with the students. Everyone liked him, especially the girls, who regarded him as an idol. It was said that there were even bold girls who secretly wrote love letters to him. Chen Zhiqiang’s seatmate was a chubby girl, and even this girl had a crush on Wang Ming. Chen Zhiqiang saw her secretly write the words Teacher Wang in her notebook during class.

Chen Zhiqiang also liked Wang Ming. He was fascinated by Wang Ming’s class.

When Wang Ming taught them in class, a bunch of chemistry elements and formulas that were like cursive and abstruse writings, became extremely interesting. Chen Zhiqiang idolized Wang Ming. He thought that Wang Ming knew so much. He could make such boring things in the books so fun and easy to understand.

He began to study hard. When Wang Ming asked questions in class, Chen Zhiqiang especially looked forward to Wang Ming calling on him to answer the questions, but he never raised his head. He just hoped that Wang Ming would notice him.

Wang Ming also seemed to really pay attention to him, and often took the initiative to call on him to answer.

Every time Chen Zhiqiang finished answering with his back straight, Wang Ming would nod with satisfaction and smile at him, and Chen Zhiqiang was very happy. Once, Wang Ming praised him for his great progress in front of the whole class. Chen Zhiqiang felt like he had a rabbit in his heart that kept jumping. He had never been praised and affirmed by any teacher like this. He suddenly felt that he could also be successful. This feeling was too great.

Once after school, Chen Zhiqiang’s bike broke down, and he could only walk back home. When he reached the bottom of the school’s hill, Wang Ming rode his bike past him. He stopped and asked him why he wasn’t riding his bike. Chen Zhiqiang said that his bike was broken. Wang Ming said, “Then come up. I’ll take you for a bit!”

Chen Zhiqiang sat on the back seat of Wang Ming’s bike. Wang Ming took his hand and put it on his waist, saying, “Hold tight. Don’t fall off!” With a strong kick, he rode off freely.

They passed through the crowd after school, and the students were all surprised to see Chen Zhiqiang sitting on the back seat of Teacher Wang’s bike. Chen Zhiqiang was excited and proud. He nervously hugged Teacher Wang’s waist, feeling the sturdy and powerful warmth through his hands, hearing his heart thumping.

Wang Ming took Chen Zhiqiang all the way home.

“Thank you, Teacher Wang.”

Chen Zhiqiang said softly, too embarrassed to look at Wang Ming’s face.

Chen Zhiqiang’s parents were not home, so Chen Zhiqiang politely invited Wang Ming inside to drink some water. Wang Ming really went in and sat down, and even entered Chen Zhiqiang’s small room.

“Your room is so clean,” Wang Ming exclaimed in surprise. Although Chen Zhiqiang’s small room was simple, it was tidier than a girl’s room.

“Classmate Chen, you really aren’t like a boy,” Wang Ming said with a smile.

Hearing these words, Chen Zhiqiang’s heart stung. Because he looked like a girl, and his behavior was different from typical boys, he was often ridiculed and called a sissy. Chen Zhiqiang didn’t care how those boys ridiculed him, but hearing Wang Ming say this as well, Chen Zhiqiang didn’t say anything.

“What’s the matter? Are you unhappy… Don’t be angry. I mean that you are very sensible and capable…”

Wang Ming seemed to be somewhat at a loss.

When Chen Zhiqiang saw Wang Ming like that, it was very strange. Wang Ming, who was very confident on the podium, could also look like this. Chen Zhiqiang smiled.

Only after seeing him smile did Wang Ming sigh in relief.

“Good. If you smile, then you’re not angry…. You should smile more. Your smile is… nice.”

Wang Ming sat on the bed and spoke, staring fixedly at Chen Zhiqiang’s face.

At that time, Chen Zhiqiang didn’t feel anything. He only felt very happy that he could be praised by Wang Ming, and he blushed again.

When he left that day, Wang Ming said to Chen Zhiqiang, “When we met for the first time, we weren’t teacher and student yet. So in class, you call me Teacher Wang, but privately, you can call me Ming-zi Ge.”

Chen Zhiqiang was flattered.

“Seriously?”

“Of course I’m serious.”

Wang Ming pinched his face gently.

“But you can only call me that when it’s just the two of us. Keep it a secret.”

Wang Ming got on his bike and rode away in a carefree way. Chen Zhiqiang looked at the back that was departing by bike, and his heart felt warm.

Chen Zhiqiang and Wang Ming were getting closer.

Wang Ming was really like an older brother and took good care of him. He would teach more about the problems that he didn’t understand. Seeing that Chen Zhiqiang didn’t have a pen, he bought a very good pen for him. At noon, he saw Chen Zhiqiang holding an iron lunch box for steaming rice, and there were vegetables and bean sprouts inside from home. Wang Ming took Chen Zhiqiang to the back of the playground and gave the ribs in his own lunch box to him.

“Teacher Wang, I…”

“There’s no one here. Call me Ming-zi Ge.”

“…Ming-zi Ge!”

Chen Zhiqiang looked at Wang Ming gratefully, and his heart was filled with warmth…

In chemistry lab class, Wang Ming wore a snow-white coat to direct students in conducting experiments. Wang Ming was tall and handsome, and sunshine shone on his youthful face. Chen Zhiqiang heard the girls privately saying that Teacher Wang looked the best wearing a white coat, just like the actors on TV. Wang Ming would walk by Chen Zhiqiang’s side and personally guide him in doing the experiment. Wang Ming held his hand and brought the test tube close to the alcohol lamp, gently swaying it. Chen Zhiqiang felt Wang Ming press close to his body. Through his white coat, his warmth made Chen Zhiqiang feel warm and at ease. Sometimes, as Wang Ming helped him sway, he would softly instruct him by his ear. When he spoke, he leaned very close. Sometimes, Chen Zhiqiang even felt that his ears were tickled by his hot breath. Every time this happened, Chen Zhiqiang would laugh, and Wang Ming would pat his waist. The temperature of his palm was so hot that it seemed to brand Chen Zhiqiang’s body.

Chen Zhiqiang was someone who would always repay acts of kindness. If others treated him well once, he would want to repay them ten times. In a remote corner behind the school stadium, Wang Ming had a single dormitory. The school, taking care of college students, had specifically assigned him to live in it. After school, Chen Zhiqiang would often go to clean Wang Ming’s room, wash his clothes, clean his shoes, wash his socks, and air his blankets. He would do everything. Every time, Chen Zhiqiang would first run to the teachers’ office and ask Wang Ming for the key, then run to that dormitory to work. He would clean the room thoroughly. He wiped the sweat from his head, looking at the bright room, and his heart was also bright.

Chen Zhiqiang said to Wang Ming, “Ming-zi Ge, you are so kind to me. You’re just like my blood brother. Even my parents have never been so kind to me.”

Wang Ming looked at his face, flushed from being busy. He reached out and touched his face, asking: “Are you tired?”

Chen Zhiqiang broke into a smile: “I’m not tired!”

The weather got cold. In the courtyard of the single-story dormitory, Chen Zhiqiang buried his head and washed a large basin of clothes for Wang Ming under the faucet. The ice-cold water made his hands red. Chen Zhiqiang gritted his teeth and didn’t hesitate to scrub in the icy water. The water that was like ice shards stabbed his skin like knives. Chen Zhiqiang snuffled, scrubbing hard…

Wang Ming came back and dragged Chen Zhiqiang into the room, drying his hands. Chen Zhiqiang’s hands were already frozen into thick radishes and they had no sensation.

“Are you dumb!”

Wang Ming was very moved.

“What’s the matter! Ming-zi Ge, you are so kind to me. I can’t repay you enough. I should do anything for you!”

Chen Zhiqiang said foolishly.

“…Do you really want to repay me?”

Wang Ming stared into his eyes and asked.

“Of course! When I was bullied, I just wanted to have an older brother. I don’t have a brother, but you’re even closer to me than a blood brother. In the future, I will consider you my blood brother, okay?”

Wang Zhiqiang really regarded Wang Ming as his blood brother. He was grateful to him, trusted him, and idolized him.

“…What if I don’t want to be your blood brother?”

Wang Ming pulled Chen Zhiqiang’s hand tightly.

“Then what do you want to be?”

Chen Zhiqiang asked innocently and doubtfully.

Wang Ming didn’t answer. He lowered his head and unbuttoned his shirt. He pulled Chen Zhiqiang’s ice cold hand and pressed it to his own chest.

Chen Zhiqiang hurriedly pulled his hand back.

“Ming-zi Ge, my hand is icy. It will freeze you…”

“Don’t move!”

Wang Ming’s voice was very rough, and Chen Zhiqiang was shocked.

Wang Ming put Chen Zhiqiang’s hand on his skin. Chen Zhiqiang felt the burning heat under his hand. He even thought that Wang Ming had a fever, or why was his body so hot?

Wang Ming took Chen Zhiqiang’s hand and moved it down. Chen Zhiqiang was ignorantly pulled by him. His hand slid down Wang Ming’s naked chest, abdomen, waist… Wang Ming’s body rose and fell under his hand. He listened to the sound of Wang Ming’s breathing become heavier…

At that time, Chen Zhiqiang knew nothing. He thought that Wang Ming was just helping him warm his hands. He still pulled his hand back. He was afraid of freezing Ming-zi Ge, afraid that he would catch a cold.

One day after school, Wang Ming said to Chen Zhiqiang, “Final exams are coming soon. Come to my dormitory in the evening and I will give you extra lessons.”

Chen Zhiqiang said, “Will the afternoon be alright? I have to help my mother paste cardboard boxes at night.”

Chen Zhiqiang’s mother didn’t have a job. She made a living by helping the factory paste paper boxes. Every night, Chen Zhiqiang would help her work.

Wang Ming said, “This afternoon is inconvenient. Just come one night. It’s okay.”

Chen Zhiqiang went there in the evening. That night, it was raining heavily. His parents didn’t let him go out, but Chen Zhiqiang was stubborn. He took an umbrella and went to school.

Chen Zhiqiang knocked on the door, and Wang Ming opened it. Chen Zhiqiang wiped the water on his face and entered the room. He smiled as he said, “Ming-zi Ge, it’s raining so heavily outside. You…”

Chen Zhiqiang turned around, wanting to ask, “What are you going to teach me tonight?” when Wang Ming’s tall body tightly hugged him from behind.

Before Chen Zhiqiang could react, he was forcefully pushed down onto the bed. Wang Ming’s body that was as heavy as iron pinned him down heavily.

Chen Zhiqiang was alarmed, muddled, and confused. He didn’t understand what had happened. Wang Ming panted roughly as he tore at his clothes. Chen Zhiqiang instinctively struggled and resisted. He was afraid, terrified, and ashamed. He shouted fearfully, “Ming-zi Ge, what are you doing? You…” But Wang Ming covered his mouth, roughly pinned down his thin body that was not yet fully developed, and pulled down Chen Zhiqiang’s pants…

Chen Zhiqiang’s first time was very painful. Extremely painful.

After many years, Chen Zhiqiang still didn’t forget the pain at that time.

He lay on the bed completely naked. Wang Ming, who lay on his back, was moving wildly. Painful sweat and tears covered Chen Zhiqiang’s face. In the midst of the intense pain, Chen Zhiqiang didn’t even understand what had happened. His mind was completely blank. The sound of rapid rainfall outside the window mixed with the sound of Wang Ming’s heavy panting in the room, sounding in the creaking of the bed board. Chen Zhiqiang saw Wang Ming’s moving shadow on the wall, as ferocious as a beast.

Chen Zhiqiang had washed the sheets of this single bed, and Chen Zhiqiang had also taken the bedding under the sun to air them during the day. When Chen Zhiqiang’s face was pressed hard into the mattress, he could still smell the scent of his own washing and airing on it.

On this bed that he had made an effort to wash and air, Chen Zhiqiang was raped. That year, he was fifteen.

When Wang Ming turned over Chen Zhiqiang’s thin body and vented his oppressed lust onto this young boy who was powerless to resist. He raised Chen Zhiqiang’s legs high and watched himself thrust in and out of this immature and comely boy’s body. Wang Ming’s pleasure reached its peak along with his sense of guilt. Just as he was about to come, Wang Ming excitedly shouted, “Baby, I like you!” As Wang Ming shouted, he trembled and came in Chen Zhiqiang’s body. When Wang Ming pulled out of his body, murky white liquid and bright red blood flowed down from the back of Chen Zhiqiang’s body, becoming a mess on the sheets.

Afterwards, Wang Ming hugged Chen Zhiqiang tightly and asked for his forgiveness. Wang Ming cried bitterly and slapped himself, saying that he was not a human being. He spoke of his own pain, saying that the first time he saw Chen Zhiqiang holding an umbrella in the rain, he liked him. He said that seeing he was a student in his class, he felt happy and complicated. He said that he kept enduring it because he was afraid of hurting him, but he really couldn’t help it. He liked him too much… Wang Ming said that he was momentarily confused. He even kneeled on the floor and begged Chen Zhiqiang not to say anything about this matter. If this were to spread, he wouldn’t be able to be a teacher, and may go to prison…

Chen Zhiqiang didn’t say anything about this matter.

Chen Zhiqiang also didn’t know why. Maybe he was moved by Wang Ming’s sincere and painful story. He saw Wang Ming crying as he said, “I really like you. I made a mistake because I like you too much.” He saw Wang Ming kneeling before him, and Chen Zhiqiang’s heart softened.

Like. Wang Ming said he liked him.

No one had ever made Chen Zhiqiang feel like he was liked and needed like this. He thought that what Wang Ming said must be true. It was because he really liked him.

Chen Zhiqiang forgave Wang Ming. He remembered all the good things Wang Ming had done for him. He also said that he would repay Wang Ming. Although Chen Zhiqiang’s natural disposition was like a girl, he loved listening to storytelling. Since he was young, he loved listening to Romance of the Three Kingdoms and General Yue Fei. He knew that a drop of water shall be returned with a gushing spring. The wrong that Wang Ming had done to him was because he liked him. Wang Ming was kind to him. He couldn’t hurt him and repay kindness with ingratitude.

Chen Zhiqiang didn’t tell anyone about this matter. Later, in that dormitory, when Wang Mig again hugged him, pinned him down, and forced him to have sex with him, while conflicted, Chen Zhiqiang chose obedience.

Wang Ming said to him that he was actually the same as he was. He liked men, but he was too young to understand.

Wang Ming said, “You didn’t even realize that you look at me differently. It was seeing the way that you looked at me, that I was sure you were the same as me. We’re both that kind of people. You also like me.”

Chen Zhiqiang was very confused. He didn’t know how he looked at Wang Ming, but he thought that since Wang Ming said that, it should be right. He used to like listening to Wang Ming’s class, liked listening to Wang Ming’s affirmation, and liked to be with Wang Ming. He never thought much about it, but Wang Ming insisted that it was love.

He also realized that he was different. He was not interested in girls. It turned out that he liked men, just like Wang Ming.

Chen Zhiqiang seemed to understand. He accepted it.

That remote single dormitory became the place where Wang Ming and Chen Zhiqiang would frequently sleep together. They changed positions and methods. Wang Mig taught Chen Zhiqiang a lot. Chen Zhiqiang gradually felt that he had really fallen in love with Wang Ming, and he offered his whole body and mind.

Chen Zhiqiang was an honest person. Whoever he treated well, he would foolishly be sincere with them until the end. He started to be completely committed to Wang Ming. He didn’t have the heart to go to school. Every day, he would only think about Wang Ming. Thinking about him, he would giggle in infatuation. He would often secretly run to Wang Ming’s dormitory at night. When the two of them met, they would hastily hug each other and roll into bed.

Sometimes, Wang Ming couldn’t help but call Chen Zhiqiang to the dormitory after school, on campus before the students had finished leaving. They would close the curtains and have intense and anxious sex. Wang Ming quickly pushed Chen Zhiqiang against the bed, ramming and quickly releasing into his body. They kissed passionately. Wang Ming affectionately swore to Chen Zhiqiang more than once that he would definitely love him forever, protect him, and not let anyone hurt him. Chen Zhiqiang was moved to tears. He hugged Wang Ming tightly and said, Ming-zi Ge! …

Wang Ming won a prize for his open class, and Chen Zhiqiang wanted to give him a gift. Wang Ming liked designer brands. Chen Zhiqiang wanted to buy him a designer brand belt, but it cost a lot of money. Chen Zhiqiang had no money. Even if he searched the entire house, he couldn’t get so much money. Chen Zhiqiang had no choice. He went to the construction site with trembling legs and stole cables, wanting to exchange stolen cables for money.

It was Chen Zhiqiang’s first time doing such a thing. He was very nervous and was caught. He was nearly beaten to death by the workers on the construction site. He lay in the hospital. It was reported to the school, and the school gave him severe punishment.

“How could you steal? So disgraceful!” Wang Ming was very unhappy.

“I’m sorry, Ming-zi Ge…” Chen Zhiqiang was in the hospital bed injured all over. He wanted to say the reason, but he didn’t say it. He didn’t want to make Wang Ming feel bad.

“You should also think about me. Everyone knows that you are a student I take care of. Aren’t you humiliating me like this?” Wang Ming’s face was sullen.

Che Zhiqiang apologized weakly. He opened his swollen eyes and repeatedly said, “Ming-zi Ge, I was wrong. Don’t be angry… I’ve humiliated you…”

The day that Wang Ming and Chen Zhiqiang’s affair was exposed came very suddenly.

When Wang Ming was immersed in kissing Chen Zhiqiang in his room, a female teacher’s screams startled him.

They were too careless. The door was not locked. The female teacher who came to borrow something pushed the door open.

In the headmaster’s office, under the stern questioning of a group of school leaders, Wang Ming pointed at Chen Zhiqiang with a pale face and said, “He was the one who suddenly did that to me. It had nothing to do with me! I didn’t do anything to him!”

Chen Zhiqiang looked at him in shock. Wang Ming was like a stranger. He seemed to have never known him.

Chen Zhiqiang later saw the inspection files that Wang Ming handed to the school. Wang Ming wrote that Chen Zhiqiang took the initiative to get close to him from the beginning and seduced him. The evidence was that he ran to his dorm every other day with the intention of seducing him, but he sternly rejected him. Also, he was effeminate. He originally had this tendency. The evidence was that all the students knew he was a sissy…

“He’s talking nonsense! Nonsense!!” Chen Zhiqiang erupted like he was crazy and was forcefully subdued by his teachers. The headmaster and the teachers looked at him like they were looking at monsters and garbage. The abhorrent, disdainful, and disgusted gaze pierced Chen Zhiqiang’s heart like a knife.

Chen Zhiqiang was punished, and Wang Ming was transferred. Wang Ming was transferred to another place to continue to be a teacher, but Chen Zhiqiang’s matter spread throughout the whole school.

Chen Zhiqiang never said what happened that night or what happened that rainy night. That was the promise he had made, and he stubbornly kept it. He didn’t care about the punishment, nor did he care about the spittle behind him that poked his spine. He just wanted Wang Ming to give him a few words, a few honest words, that he didn’t write those files, that he didn’t say any of the words on it!

Chen Zhiqiang went to find Wang Ming. After Wang Ming moved away, he didn’t know where Wang Ming moved to. Chen Zhiqiang made painstaking efforts to find the school to which Wang Ming was transferred and found his new address. When Wang Ming opened the door and saw Chen Zhiqiang, his expression was like he had seen a ghost. Wang Ming was about to abruptly close the door, but Chen Zhiqiang pushed the door open.

“Why did you write that?! Just say that you didn’t write it!!” Chen Zhiqiang cried. He already knew the answer in his heart. He was afraid of facing the answer.

“Don’t hurt me anymore! Haven’t you hurt me enough?!” Wang Ming roared. Wang Ming lifted Chen Zhiqiang’s thin body and was about to push him out.

“…I hurt you? …I was the one who hurt you? …” Chen Zhiqiang was stunned.

“If you weren’t interested in me, why did you stare right at me in class? Why did you run to my dormitory every other day? You were seducing me! Don’t fucking pretend to be naïve! …What do you want? Is this not enough? Take it! …Even if you tell anyone about that matter, no one will believe you. You have no evidence. I’m not afraid! …Don’t come find me again. I can’t afford to lose my job!” Wang Ming used a rough voice to hide his panic. He hurriedly took out a stack of money from his wallet and stuffed it into Chen Zhiqiang’s hand, forcefully pushing him out the door.

Chen Zhiqiang stood dazedly outside the door, holding a stack of crumpled bills in his hands. He lowered his head to look at the stack of bills. He loosened his hand, and the money floated colorfully to the ground.

Chen Zhiqiang started smiling and laughing out loud. Tears washed over his face, but Chen Zhiqiang was still smiling. His smile was like a paper tightly crumpled into a ball in his hands…

In the school, wherever Chen Zhiqiang went, there were boys shouting, The hermaphrodite is coming!

Then a group of boys would laugh loudly, and someone would ask him in a shrill voice, “Did you let Teacher Wang thrust into your butt?! Do you not have XX down there?! Do you squat to urinate? …”

Chen Zhiqiang grabbed a handful of sand and rushed up. He fought with the leader recklessly, and a group of boys pressed him to the ground and beat him up. A rain of fists and feet hit his body. Chen Zhiqiang only tightly held the first person he caught and wouldn’t let go, headbutting his head again and again. Even when people ruthlessly stepped on his hands and broke his fingers, he wouldn’t let go, until he and that person’s foreheads were bruised and bleeding…

Chen Zhiqiang fought several times and stayed in the hospital several times. His parents pointed at him and scolded him at the head of the bed, “Do you still have the nerve to meet people? We can’t even raise our heads outside because of you! …”

Chen Zhiqiang lay there expressionlessly, staring at the ceiling numbly…

Chen Zhiqiang walked into the school at night. He was held by the waist by someone who suddenly rushed out of the darkness and dragged into an empty classroom. That tall and big high school boy pinned him to the ground and pulled his pants. Chen Zhiqiang fought hard. The boy slapped him in the face, cursing, “What are you hermaphrodite pretending for! Haven’t you been rammed by many people? Aren’t you just a whore?”

In his struggle, Chen Zhiqiang grabbed a chair and smashed it on the boy’s head. Staring at his hand that was covered in blood, Chen Zhiqiang sat down onto the ground…

Chen Zhiqiang was expelled from school.

Chen Zhiqiang stayed indoors every day in the midst of his neighbor’s gossip. He just stared and blanked out. He repeatedly thought about it. He recalled when he was happy with Wang Ming in the past, recalled the words that Wang Ming swore to him, recalled how Wang Ming affectionately said that he liked him and loved him. Chen Zhiqiang couldn’t understand how the same person could change at will, how he could change so much and so quickly, how he could deny it if he wanted. He didn’t believe it. Wang Ming was such a good person. He didn’t believe that Wang Ming was really so heartless. He thought that Wang Ming had difficulties. Wang Ming was afraid of losing a job, and Wang Ming liked him. If one liked someone, how could they stop liking them at will? So Wang Ming must have lied to him.

Chen Zhiqiang went to find Wang Ming again. He didn’t ask for anything else, and he didn’t expect to return to the past with Wang Ming. He just wanted Wang Ming to admit once again that he really liked him and wasn’t lying to him.

Just that much was enough, and he would be satisfied and would have the strength to live. No matter how rotten he was in the future, whether he was mud or garbage, at least he told him that someone had really liked him, loved him, and cherished him.

Chen Zhiqiang knocked hard on Wang Ming’s door, but Wang Ming didn’t open it. Chen Zhiqiang knew that he was in the room. Chen Zhiqiang raised his voice and shouted, “Ming-zi Ge! I know you’re at home! I’m not here to pester you. I just want you to say one thing! …Tell me these words and I won’t bother you for the rest of my life! …”

There was no response in Wang Ming’s room. Chen Zhiqiang didn’t remember what he said, how much he cried, or how much he begged, but no matter how he begged, Wang Ming didn’t respond at all. Wang Ming only later pushed open the window and viciously threw a bottle out. Wang Ming cursed at him and told him to go away! Because people living nearby were already looking out and around.

“…You said that you liked me, would be good to me forever, and wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. Did a dog eat these words?! …Were you lying to me?! …”

Chen Zhiqiang cried bitterly, fell down to his knees, and dug his fingers firmly in the mud. He dug until his nails were covered with blood. He was shivering all over in the rain. He looked at the tightly shut door and was so desperate. Chen Zhiqiang pulled out a fruit knife that he had brought from home. His hands shook as he pointed the knife at himself. He shouted hoarsely, “Ming-zi Ge, come out. If you don’t come out, I’ll stab myself, and I’ll keep stabbing until you come out…”

Chen Zhiqiang’s voice was hoarse from shouting and he shed all of his tears, but Wang Ming didn’t come out. Chen Zhiqiang was completely hopeless. His hands shook as he held the knife, closed his eyes, and stabbed it into himself…

That night, before Chen Zhiqiang stabbed himself, he cried out in grief, “Ming-zi Ge—!” It was said that his voice was extremely horrible and shrill, like a ghost crying. It made people nearby who heard it shudder. Some people even said that for a long time after that night, that voice was still haunting and floating in the vicinity, making people shiver when they thought of it.

Chen Zhiqiang lost blood, and he was rescued.

People nearby were afraid that there would be death and sent him to the hospital. When Chen Zhiqiang left the hospital and entered the prison, the police told him that Wang Ming had accused him of malicious harassment, armed and with ill intentions, and carried a knife, seriously threatening his life.

Chen Zhiqiang listened expressionlessly, signed his name, and stayed quietly by the iron window.

He leaned against the ice cold wall, looking at the small pane of sky that shone through.

His wound was still tied with thick bandages, and there were bouts of pain.

But Chen Zhiqiang would never feel pain again.

Shortly after, among the gangsters in Jiangbei, there was one more gangster. His figure was slight, his mannerisms were effeminate, and he was different.

Once when he was walking on the road, several boys who passed by loudly shouted, “Isn’t that Hermaphrodite Chen? Hermaphrodite Chen’s butt is still so perky! Who rammed into Hermaphrodite Chen’s butt again…”

Before the next words could be spoken, Chen Zhiqiang had already walked over without saying a word. His face was expressionless. He reached behind him and raised his lapel, pulling something out of his back waist. Before anyone could react, a knife abruptly stabbed into the shoulder of the person speaking, splashing blood five steps away…

The boys were stunned and scared stiff. Chen Zhiqiang stepped on that person, pulled out the knife, and motioned towards his face, asking casually, “What did you just call me?”

The people looked at him in horror, pale and speechless…

Chen Zhiqiang smiled. Before those people’s frightened expressions, he smiled as beautifully as a spring day.

Several years later, in Jiangbei, the leading big-time gangster was called Hua Mao.

In Jianghai during the 90s, if you wanted to be a gangster and wanted to achieve success, territory, power, and fame, there was only one path: ruthlessness.

Be ruthless to others and be more ruthless to yourself.

Hua Mao was so ruthless that all the big-time and small-time gangsters of the Jiangbei gangdom had to respect him. In the city, no matter how awesome the bosses Yan Ziyi and Luo Jiu were, when one crossed the river and arrived at Jiangbei, it was like stepping onto Hua Mao’s territory.

Hua Mao was his nickname. At that time, Hua Mao was in his early twenties, with long, wavy hair, always wearing bright clothes, and never shying away from his feminine appearance. The more people looked at him with strange eyes, the more Hua Mao would act like a sissy, without concealing anything and going even further. When the people on the streets of Jianghai spoke of him, their expression was always strange, but no one would easily provoke him. Because although Hua Mao appeared feminine, only people who had really fought with him knew what a fierce, ruthless, and reckless maniac he was beneath that outer appearance.

Gradually, no one knew what Hua Mao’s real name was anymore. Everyone said, Hua Mao, Hua Mao. The name Chen Zhiqiang had already been forgotten.

Chen Zhiqiang himself almost forgot this name. Once in the bureau, the police sternly shouted, Chen Zhiqiang, be honest! Chen Zhiqiang was stunned for a moment.

This name was as distant as his past. It had rotted away long ago in the mud. Hua Mao himself had almost forgotten that he once had such a proper name.

One day, after Hua Mao had led his brothers to attack people, he met Wang Ming on the road.

Wang Ming was still a teacher. Wang Ming walked side by side with a boy who looked like a student. Wang Ming held an umbrella for him, lowering his head as he talked to him with a kind smile. The boy was comely, clean, and blushing. He looked at Wang Ming with such bright and idolizing eyes.

Seeing this scene, Hua Mao seemed to see his past life.

Hua Mao walked over and stood in front of Wang Ming’s way. Hua Mao asked Wang Ming, “Do you still recognize me?”

Wang Ming looked at him with doubt and confusion. Hua Mao’s hair was long, and he stood in the rain, his thin cheeks scarred, and his body still covered with bloodstains from the person he had just cut.

Wang Ming shook his head a little fearfully.

Hua Mao smiled as he said, “Look carefully.”

Wang Ming looked at him carefully, and his expression gradually changed. He looked at Hua Mao in shock and confusion, and blood drained from his face…

In the deep alley, Wang Ming was so scared that he melted into a puddle of mud. Trembling all over, he tightly hugged Hua Mao’s legs and begged tearfully, saying, “I was wrong, Chen Zhiqiang. I’m sorry. I was really wrong. Please let me go! I had no other choice back then…! I was afraid of losing my job and ruining my reputation. It wasn’t easy for my parents to send me to college. I couldn’t be ruined like that…! Zhiqiang… don’t you like me? I like you too, I really like you! All these years, I haven’t forgotten you for a single day. I’m speaking the truth. Believe me! …”

Wang Ming’s face was covered with tears as he hugged Hua Mao’s legs, shouting and crying. He kept talking. His body kept trembling under the blade of those machetes. Hua Mao looked down at him, looking at this man. Once, when he was still Chen Zhiqiang, when he was still that pure student, he followed him with idolizing and grateful eyes. He trusted all of him and longed for all of him. He hoped that in the future, he could also become a good person like him and be a teacher like him, standing on the platform, smiling at the children like him who needed a smile from a teacher…

The tip of the knife in Hua Mao’s hand swept over Wang Ming’s face that was covered in tears and snot. Wang Ming was so frightened that he didn’t move, feeling the icy coldness come close. He raised his head and looked at Hua Mao pleadingly, meeting Hua Mao’s bloodshot eyes.

“…Scram…!!”

Wang Ming scrambled away.

Hua Mao lifted his head in the rain and laughed loudly. His brothers didn’t dare approach him, thinking that he was crazy.

His laughter was sharp and unpleasant. No one knew whether Hua Mao was laughing or crying.

Hua Mao couldn’t stop laughing. He was laughing because he once handed his true heart to such a person. He was laughing because Wang Ming spoke correctly from the beginning. He was too self-important. Everything was his delusions.

But Hua Mao thanked Wang Ming. If it weren’t for him, he wouldn’t openly and honestly see who he was, what he needed, how he wanted to live, and how he should live.

He was a man who loved me. Whether it was innate or not innate, he admitted it. He wouldn’t live like Wang Ming, not daring to tear this skin off his face until he died.

In the circle of the same people, Hua Mao was done by men, and he also did men. He later learned that people like them were called homosexual. He also knew that they weren’t mentally ill or crazy. Hua Mao lived indulgently and did as he wished. He thought that people only lived one lifetime and should be nicer to themselves. When people like them close their eyes today, they may not see the sun tomorrow, so they shouldn’t lie to themselves as well. He went to bed with other people, and he also maintained a steady relationship with people, on and off, coming and going. Hua Mao thought that it was normal, very normal.

Hua Mao once said to people in this circle, “There was love between men. This love was beyond physical substances and beyond lust. It was the purest and most selfless love.”

These words were spoken by a college student to Hua Mao. Hua Mao listened very carefully and remembered it. There was still a small piece of Chen Zhiqiang living in his heart, foolish, single-minded, and still yearning for light, struggling to believe what he wanted to believe.

Other people said, “What love? Then have you met love?”

Hua Mao said, “I will encounter it sooner or later.”

Hua Mao thought that in his life, he could meet thousands of people. Among these thousands of people, he didn’t believe they were all Wang Ming.

He wouldn’t be blinded by shit again. He never had love only because he still hadn’t encountered it.

God had decided everyone’s life. Hua Mao didn’t blame the past. That was fate.

But from that point forward, he didn’t believe in fate. In the future, his life was in his own hands, not in God’s hands.

He was knocked down into a corner and didn’t even have the strength to get up. He never gave in to others, but this time, he was beaten into submission and completely gave in.

“…What’s your name?”

Hua Mao lay there, asking this man wearing a white dress shirt.

“Fang Yu.”

Hua Mao watched the white dress shirt lead people away with his muddled vision, repeating this name.

Fang Yu, Fang Yu…

He was Fang Yu.

Fuck!

Hua Mao smiled.

Hua Mao rushed into the crowd, the machete in his hand splashing streams of blood, splashing on other people’s faces, and splashing on his own neck. He rushed towards the gleaming blade without hesitation, ignoring the blades that cut at him. His eyes were red and he looked like he was risking his life. He wanted to obtain this piece of Jiangbei territory for Fang Yu. Those were his feelings for Fang Yu. Hua Mao kicked over a person who was cutting at Fang Yu’s brothers and stabbed the knife in. The steel pipe fell down and hit Hua Mao on his shoulder. Hua Mao’s vision went black, but he still stood firmly in front of the man who was being cut.

That was Fang Yu’s man. He wanted to protect Fang Yu’s brother.

Machetes fell like snow towards him. Hua Mao gritted his teeth and bore it. Someone dragged him behind them. Blood splashed, and Fang Yu’s shirt was splashed with bright red.

Hua Mao stared dazedly at the blade that he had blocked for him, watched Fang Yu expressionlessly use his bloody shoulder to lift half the steel bar, sweep it across, and bloody the heads of those people.

Fang Yu roared at Hua Mao: “Are you dumb! Why didn’t you dodge?”

Hua Mao said, “I will protect your brother.”

Fang Yu shouted, “You are also my fucking brother!”

When he went to the hospital, Hua Mao was covered with blood. In the car, Fang Yu stayed by him. Hua Mao wanted to speak, but Fang Yu said, “Don’t talk. Lie down.”

Hua Mao said hoarsely, “Yu Ge, my back feels bad. Can you hold me?”

Fang Yu picked him up, and Hua Mao put his head on Fang Yu’s shoulder. His blood dyed the chest of Fang Yu’s shirt red. He saw Fang Yu use his shirt to tightly cover his wounds, and he heard the powerful heartbeat that came from Fang Yu’s chest.

Fang Yu messily wiped the blood on Fang Yu’s face. Hua Mao chuckled. As he laughed, he smiled like a fool.

“Why are you laughing?”

Fang Yu was baffled.

“Yu Ge… it’s worth it.”

“What is worth it?”

Fang Yu thought that Hua Mao’s mind was muddled from being hit.

Hua Mao laughed and didn’t respond anymore. He leaned against Fang Yu’s firm arms and closed his eyes with a smile. It was like he could smell the fragrance of osmanthus again.

Many years ago, when he was still very young, when he was still a comely student, he walked on the campus, intoxicated by the sweet smell of osmanthus in the air.

It was the purest smell, his most beautiful years.

No one had ever used their own life to cover for him.

Do you know, Fang Yu? It’s worth it.

Just this once, my life is worth it.

It’s worth it.

(End of Hua Mao’s prequel)