Chapter 47

“…”

Fang Yu was shocked, perplexed, and didn’t know what to do.

Yes, he knew he couldn’t continue lying to himself. Yang Lei wasn’t his brother. If he were his brother, would they do it on the bed until they lost rational thought? If he were his brother, would his lower half become hard once he touched his sensual body? If he were his brother, would he go drink and get drunk after seeing him and a girl kiss?

He had said before that they couldn’t keep “playing.” If they kept playing, they couldn’t even be brothers.

But, ever since they took that step, they already couldn’t be brothers. They had long stopped treating the other as a brother…

But when Fang Yu suddenly heard Yang Lei say the phrase, “I like you,” he still felt a violent impact. His thinking, reason, and subconscious reaction made him shocked by this phrase, made him instinctively want to reject, to deny. But he also didn’t know why his heart was this tempestuous right now!

“…You’re mistaken!”

Fang Yu shouted this phrase. He didn’t know whether he was telling Yang Lei or telling himself!

“Mistaken?”

Yang Lei stared at Fang Yu. He wanted to rip out his heart and show it to Fang Yu!

“All I dream about is you! Am I mistaken?!”

He too wanted to be mistaken. If he were mistaken, then he wouldn’t be this tormented and in this much painl! But was there a mistake? If his heart could also be mistaken, he would rather it be mistaken and be mistaken until the end!

“You also have feelings for me!” Yang Lei stared straight at Fang Yu with bright red eyes. “You dare to say that you don’t feel anything at all for me?”

“…”

Did he dare to say it? Fang Yu was also asking himself.

If he had no feelings for him, would he care that he had kissed Fang Mei? When he misunderstood that he and Ding Wen had also been “playing” like that, would he have been that angry? Would he hug him tightly in the faint light of dawn, not wanting to let him leave? Would he have treated him like that in bed? …

Would he??

But… was it the same like that Yang Lei said?

He had fallen in love with Yang Lei? Fallen in love with his brother, a man just like him?!

Every part of his brain was telling him that it was wrong. This was wrong, extremely wrong. How was this possible? He was very normal! Yang Lei was also normal! They weren’t like Hua Mao. They completely weren’t; they never were!

But why did it happen? Why did it have to happen between him and Yang Lei?

Such a feeling couldn’t be explained. In the over twenty years of Fang Yu’s life, no matter what kinds of dangers and difficulties he had once faced, he had never been this confused and at a loss as he was now.

“Fang Yu!!”

Yang Lei screamed in distress.

“Stop talking!”

Fang Yu roared. He was a mess! Everything was a mess!

“…Let’s both think about it again!”

Fang Yu only spoke this one sentence. It should be like this. He and Yang Lei both had to think, think about why they had reached this point, think about when they had crossed the line and lost control of themselves, and reached this situation that was impossible to resolve, and think about just what they were. They were both men. They were originally good brothers. Between them, just could they or could they not say it was… love?!

Looking at Fang Yu, Yang Lei’s heart sank and went cold.

He knew that he recklessly revealed everything before Fang Yu, but it was too difficult to make Fang Yu accept it.

They both knew what taking such a step in this era would imply.

It implied that before them, there was a road where no light could be seen. It implied that they would walk all the way until the end. It implied that there would be too much that they were unable to anticipate even now, things that they didn’t know if they could endure.

But right now, Yang Lei didn’t even care about these matters. He only cared about, Did Fang Yu like him? Did Fang Yu have him in his heart?

As long as Fang Yu had him in his heart, no matter what he would face in the future, he wouldn’t be afraid. He wouldn’t be afraid of anything, as long as Fang Yu accompanied him. For this lifetime, he would accept it. He willingly accepted it…

Yang Lei was also silent. Both he and Fang Yu no longer spoke. There seemed to be no one in the room, only each other’s despondent and heavy moods.

The sound of rain outside became louder and louder, passing through the silent night, passing through the soundless room, becoming the only sound at that moment.

“Okay. Think about it,” Yang Lei said, after a long time.

His voice was low and weak.

Yang Lei slowly turned around and walked towards the door. Fang Yu didn’t stop him. Fang Yu didn’t say anything.

Yang Lei put his hand on the doorknob.

“Fang Yu,” Yang Lei said, his back to Fang Yu.

“The words I said today were all sincere. If they make you disgusted, then forget them all.”

“Initially, I was the one who wanted to play like that. I was the one who dragged you underwater. It has nothing to do with you. Don’t be burdened.”

“If you don’t want to see me again, after tonight…”

Yang Lei stopped.

“…I won’t let you see me again…”

Yang Lei opened the door and left.

His footsteps disappeared in the corridor.

Hearing that sound leave, Fang Yu felt that he would never come again…

Fang Yu sat down by the table. He stared at the table surface, not moving at all.

The hand he placed on the table gradually clenched into a fist…

Yang Lei walked back home step by step.

He walked in the rain, walked on the streets, sluggish and slow, like he’d lost his soul.

He walked very slowly. When he came down from Fang Yu’s eighth floor, he hoped that Fang Yu could shout his name and catch up to him from behind. He hoped that Fang Yu could grab him tightly and tell him not to go. He hoped that Fang Yu would say to him, “Could I never see you again?? Don’t go, stay!!”

But no matter how many times he looked back, there was only the empty night and endless sheets of rain behind him.

Yang Lei’s entire body was drenched by rain. He lifted his face, letting the rainwater wash his face. He closed his eyes, allowing the rainwater to flow freely from his face…

This was the first love of his life. But it was going to end early like this.

Yang Lei didn’t blame Fang Yu, didn’t blame anyone. He only blamed himself.

He blamed himself for running head-first into love, yet he injured and bloodied his head.

Yang Lei didn’t know how he returned to the small building. He opened the iron gate. Recalling how he had also given Fang Yu a key to this door, he smiled bitterly.

In the future, Fang Yu would never open this iron gate again.

It was late at night. Everyone in the building was asleep. No one knew that Yang Lei went upstairs with his entire body drenched, entered his room, and closed the door.

Yang Lei stood before the window, allowing the rainwater on his body to collect into a puddle of water on the ground, but he didn’t want to wipe it, and he didn’t want to change.

In this room, Fang Yu’s smell and Fang Yu’s body temperature still remained.

But from now on, he will lose all of this…

Footsteps sounded from the stairs outside.

Someone had come upstairs.

Yang Lei heard the sound. The sound of him coming back probably woke Aunt Zhang up. Yang Lei came back to himself and wiped the rainwater on his face.

There was a knock on the door.

Yang Lei walked over and opened the door.

“…”

Yang Lei was stunned.

He looked dazedly at the person before his eyes. He forgot how to talk, he forgot to breathe…

Fang Yu came in and used his back to close the door.

Fang Yu’s entire body was also drenched.

Fang Yu stared at Yang Lei, grabbed hold of him and pulled him fiercely into his arms, and covered his lips…