CH ss - 10

The early morning air, after the height of summer, seemed to reek of loneliness in the freshness of the air.

The sun was rising early, and the morning sunlight streaming in from the hazy sky was illuminating Towa-kun, who was sleeping comfortably in the dimly lit room.

Outside, a pigeon chirped quietly, urging everyone to wake up in the morning.

“He is sleeping well.”

I stare at Towa-kun’s sleeping face.

He is sleeping with a peaceful expression on his face…

His sleeping expression is innocent and doesn’t seem to be twisted.

“……It’s a little different these days, isn’t it?”

I chuckled unintentionally.

Recently, Towa-kun has changed somewhat.

He eats and studies without being told to.

He also cleans and …… recently he has been practicing cooking.

Is this also from the last day of summer vacation?

When I think about it, I am happy that I was able to give him a little push.

But …… there is a part of me that feels sad that there is a part of him that I don’t know about…… yet…….

Besides, he seems to be sneaking around with Kato-san somehow since that day…….

But I kind of know what to expect.

We have regular tests coming up.

I won’t ask him directly, but I know he is working hard behind the scenes.

But….

“You don’t have to do it behind my back……. I want to do it together …….”

I pat Towa-kun’s head, place my hand on his forehead and poke him lightly on the cheek.

As if demanding him to sleep more…

This is my selfishness.

But it is also a proof that I am so absorbed in him that I want to spoil him to the extent that I want to be selfish.

As soon as I became aware of this, my face began to heat up.

I fan my face with my hand, put my hand on my chest and take many deep breaths.

Whew.

Whew……… I’m starting to calm down a bit.

I have to wake him up in time for school, but for now I want to watch this face a little longer.

I look around the room and suddenly reflected in my vision is my scattered belongings.

Looking at it, the events of last night come back to my mind and my heart starts to race.

I hugged the blanket tightly and leaned against the wall.

“I’ve shown you my weakness……”

I will act strong.

Be strong.

I will be straighter and stronger than anyone else…….

But yesterday, that plating came off beautifully.

My weakness, which I have never leaked to anyone.

The negative side of me that I have been hiding.

Towa-kun was not surprised to learn of it, but seemed to understand it.

Perhaps he had noticed it.

Towa-kun’s words yesterday were not just words of comfort, but had a sense of truth.

And he gently wrapped me in his arms until I fell asleep so that I could feel relieved after being mistreated and hurt…….

This kind of thing …….

If he did this to me….

“It makes me want to stay with you even more.”

If Towa-kun hadn’t been sleeping, I’d be in the mood to shout, “I’m in love with you!”

He doesn’t say much.

He is not a talker, sarcastic and …… really gentle to the core.

He seems to be strong and lonely, he seems to avoid people, but he sees the best in them.

He denies that he dislikes many things, but that is the opposite of liking.

The opposite of liking – is indifference.

I don’t dislike or feel anything, a ‘nothing’ feeling.

So I stay by his side until I feel it from him.

And he doesn’t dislike me these days.

I can’t think from the me of 6 months ago.

Really.

The more I know him, the more I like him.

The more I know, the deeper I fall in love.

I guess this is what falling in love means.

I used to not understand the meaning of romantic dramas and poems about love.

Why are they crossing paths?

Why are they so intent on doing something bothersome?

Why do they kiss each other so soon?

……I think I understand now.

I know what it feels like to be a character in a fictional story desperately trying to reach out to someone to fulfill a love.

The feeling of being depressed because things don’t work out.

I want to touch him, to be close to him, to be with him all the time.

I can’t help it. I can’t help but feel desperate in love with him.

I reach out and touch his lips as he sleeps.

I know I shouldn’t do that to him in his sleep.

If I were to do such a thing, I would have to be prepared for my touch to stick there for heaven’s sake, and I would not be able to return to my former state of ignorance and, in a sense, pure feelings.

And yet I must confess that I long to touch his lips.

“I can’t wait for him to tell me he loves me.”

I squeezed his sleeping hand.