CH 9

One of the main constellations overhead in the autumn night sky by the northern hemisphere was Pegasus. It consisted of several stars of varying brightness and size. Four of the most dazzling constellations formed a huge quadrilateral. Each side represented a direction. It was a very important signpost constellation in the autumn night sky, also known as the “Autumn Quadrangle”. 

“Ah, see the quadrilateral… but why is it a Pegasus? How does this thing look like a horse?”  

“The Pegasus we see is upside down, with the legs at the top and the head and neck at the bottom.” 

I tried my best to describe the appearance of Pegasus to Shang Muxiao, and then used the “Autumn Quadrangle” to find several nearby constellations and bright stars. 

“That one is Vega, the one below it is Altair, and the one in the middle is the Milky Way.” 

In addition to being full of countless unsolved mysteries, the starry sky was also filled with endless human imagination and extreme romance.  

If he had told me earlier that he was looking for the stars, I could’ve brought a star pointer in advance. Right now, I could only talk about it, and he could only listen.

After speaking for more than ten minutes, the starry sky above his head was almost completely described. I stopped talking and just quietly enjoyed the scenery in front of me with Shang Muxiao. 

After a long time, Shang Muxiao suddenly said: “Professor Bei, when you look at the stars, do you feel depressed about your insignificance?” His arms were propped against the brick wall of the viewing platform, “We are just like a speck of dust in the universe. Appearing, disappearing. Appearing and disappearing again. Thinking that you are shining and unique, but actually no different from all the existences you hate, admire, and despise. All similarly insignificant… right?” 

When I thought about the first time I used an astronomical telescope to observe the sky, I seemed to have also had this kind of thought — — In comparison to the entire universe, human beings were really small and humble existences. 

And when standing under the vast sky, it was even harder not to think about it. 

“Do you know the difference between humans and gorillas?” 

Shang Muxiao looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. Partially directed at me and partially for this question. 

“Are you testing me? Humans have reason, while animals only have intelligence?” No matter how confused he was, he still gave me an answer. 

The night wind on the mountain was a little cool, so I pulled my coat tighter around myself and said, “This is Schopenhauer’s point of view. But in Nietzsche’s view, there is basically no difference between humans and gorillas in terms of their contribution to the world. Very few people can surpass their own animal nature, to become a truly valuable ‘superman’. So you are right, we are all insignificant to this world.” 

Hearing this, Shang Muxiao lowered his eyes. There was a look on his face that might be described as “lonely”. 

“But…” As the conversation turned, his eyelashes trembled, and I continued, “For us living in this world;relatives, friends, colleagues, lovers — each individual is very important. Compared to the universe, it may be dust. But when it’s in front of your eyes, each one is an extremely precious gem, and each one is unique.” It was just that these gems may not belong to us forever. 

I didn’t say the last sentence. Although I looked at everything in the world pessimistically, I won’t force others to be the same as me.  

Young people like Shang Muxiao still had a long way to go in life. They could slowly explore a survival theory that suited them without the need for others to impose it on them. 

“Gem?” Shang Muxiao laughed out loud, saying “gem” several times in a row, and practically mumbled to himself in the end. 

“Then my life must be really poor.”

Just when I thought that he was sneering at my argument, he suddenly shouted at the viewing platform, then raised his hands and hoisted himself onto the narrow masonry wall.  

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“You are a pessimist and you can say such a thing. Professor Bei, I’m a little curious, how many gems have you ever had in your life? Which is your favorite one?” He seemed to be walking on a tightrope, opening his arms and working hard to keep his balance, wobbling as he walked. 

In the acrobatic troupe, there were still safety ropes to walk a tightrope. Shang Muxiao had nothing, and if he fell, he would be half-crippled even if he didn’t die. And even if he was “not dead”, how could I save him like this? 

It was practically death in all directions.  

“Shang Muxiao, come down.” I ordered him in a deep voice, completely ignoring what his problem was. 

“Are you worried about me?” He still had a happy smile without a trace of seriousness.

I tried to suppress my anger and stretched out my hand to him. 

“Come down, it’s too dangerous for you.”  

He stopped walking around as I was in a cold sweat, turned his back to the cliff and stood facing me, his lowered eyes first falling on my hand, and then on my face. 

“Be good……” 

I enticed him carefully. He looked down at me condescendingly, spread his arms, and showed a very bright smile. 

“You’re worried about me.” He was smug, his posture as if he was going to fall back.  

“Shang Muxiao!!” With my eyes wide open, I roared as I reached for him. The next second, I lost my balance and fell to the ground before Shang Muxiao. 

My palm was torn by the rough stone and it was burning hot. My legs were tangled together in an unnatural position, limp and feeble. 

I gasped and anxiously went to look for Shang Muxiao’s position, but when I looked up, I saw that the other party had nimbly jumped off the low wall. 

“Why are you so careless?” He came to help me with a relaxed smile, as if the thrill just now was no more than my hallucination. “You screamed so loudly just now. Were you afraid that I would actually jump off?” 

He wasn’t really about to jump, he was just testing my reflexes. 

My reaction made him curious and delighted.

Only now did I really agree with Yang Haiyang’s evaluation of him — — crazy. He was crazy. 

I closed my eyes, trying to calm my wildly fluctuating emotions.  

“Professor Bei? Bei Jie?” Seeing that I didn’t respond, Shang Muxiao kept calling my name. 

If he had any sense, he would know to leave me alone for a while. 

I gritted my teeth, but the fire couldn’t be suppressed. I hadn’t been this angry in a long time.. 

I jerked away from him and refused to communicate or touch.  

Unprepared, he sat down on the ground with his brows furrowed. When he looked at me again, his eyes had become extremely sinister. Like a wolf cub who had finally stopped wagging its tail and returned to its true nature. 

Yes, how could a wolf be obedient? I was simply indulging in fantasy.

I stared straight at him, not losing my composure on the surface, but inside I was thinking quickly on what to do when a fight broke out. 

I didn’t have Yang Haiyang’s skills, so I guess I could only bite a few times to let out my anger. 

When I was in my twenties, I never had such a fight. I really regressed the more I lived 

“I’m just messing with you, why are you so angry?” After a moment of confrontation, Shang Muxiao’s wild beast-like eyes had mostly subsided when he spoke again. 

He clapped his hands and stood up from the ground. He stepped back, leaned against the low wall of the observation deck and stopped trying to help me. 

I would be able to get back into the wheelchair with a little effort, but it wouldn’t look good. All struggles, difficulties, and embarrassments would be presented in front of Shang Muxiao’s eyes without reservation.  

Being disabled was one thing, not wanting to act “disabled” in front of others was another. 

Everything seemed to stand still. I didn’t move, and Shang Muxiao didn’t move either. We were at a stalemate, and there was a great possibility that the other side would emerge victorious. 

The temperature in the mountains became colder and colder as the night fell. When the wind blew, a thin coat would not be able to block the cold wind at all. 

I shivered uncontrollably, and I couldn’t hold back my throat and coughed.  

Shang Muxiao suddenly made a heavy “tsk” sound, sounding very impatient.

The palms of my hand hurt for a while. I gritted my teeth and planned to sit like this for all eternity. 

It suddenly became dark in front of my eyes and something with body temperature fell from the sky, covering my head and face. 

I pulled it off and saw that it was a jacket.  

After stepping on the grass, Shang Muxiao walked past me and went to the back of the car. 

“I’m going to smoke a cigarette.” 

Judging by the fact that he chose to avoid it, it seemed like I had won the battle. But I couldn’t feel happy at all. I thought that I was too naive. No matter if it was a one-month gambling game, or the fact that I would rather sit for eternity than climb onto a wheelchair in front of Shang Muxiao, it was all so unbelievably naive. 

The faint smell of smoke coming from the back of the car dragged me back from my self-loathing for a while.  

After smoking a cigarette, Shang Muxiao walked back. I had also returned to my wheelchair.

“You’re bleeding.” He stared at my leg.

I wore a pair of white trousers today. I had just rubbed them on the ground and got a lot of stains. The most obvious one was at the knees. The fabric was torn, revealing the wound covered with soil underneath. It was a mass of black and red, which looked very miserable. 

“I don’t feel it.” I returned the jacket to him and shoved it directly into his arms. When I was about to withdraw my hand, he grabbed it.  

As the coat fell to the ground, he glanced at my palm and said, “The hand is bleeding too.” 

I wondered if he really had night vision with such sharp eyes. 

“It’s okay…” I pulled my hand back and said, “I don’t want to stargaze anymore, let’s go back.” 

After what happened just now, I think there would be very few people who could leisurely continue to watch the stars with him.  

No matter how hard I tried to push forward, the wheelchair’s wheels only spun in the same spot. I looked back in confusion and saw Shang Muxiao picking up the clothes on the ground and shaking them, while the other hand firmly held the handle of my wheelchair, not letting go. 

In an instant, I was like a cat that had been caught by the back of its neck, and I could only let him play with me as he wished. 

“What are you doing?” I lowered my voice, trying not to seem overwhelmed.

Shang Muxiao threw his coat back to me again.  

“Who said we were going back today?” 

In the wilderness, with his words and deeds, the beginnings of several classic suspense films have already appeared in my head. 

Was he going to try to push me off the mountain… 

I put his jacket over my leg with my uninjured hand, and wondered if I should ask him where we were going.  

He pushed me along the dark mountain road for a while. Suddenly, he turned a corner and entered a deep path. 

There were trees on both sides, forming an expanse. Except for a little starlight overhead, it was practically impossible to see one’s outstretched fingers. 

“Where are we going?” I finally couldn’t help but ask, tightening the jacket on my knees. 

“Yin Nuo took me here once before, and it’s right in front…” Almost as soon as he finished speaking, a faint light appeared in front of him. When I got closer, I realized that it was a paper lantern hanging by the courtyard gate.  

To the left of the lantern was a wooden sign with the name of the courtyard – Liushui House. 

Below was a piece of tattered paper, with the words “Pick cherries, fresh crystal cherries. No money needed if it’s not sweet” written with a brush.