Chapter 176 - Yi's Lament

For once in his life, the world seemed to be favoring him, until that day...He had gone to the Crown prince's secret residence and was going through it with his men, just to check if there was anything more there he could use.

He found the Crown prince's hidden stash of funds, some more evidence about the officials who supported him. The Crown prince was a careful person and of course, had the officials sign and seal their allegiance. Prince Yi was quite excited with this find, he even found some more names in there he was not aware of.

Some were surprising, such as Chen Bo. It seemed he was not still satisfied with the position of finance minister, this was indeed a very good find. He wondered if Defense minister Lei would speak up for him again if this came to light. He doubted his father would listen this time.  It was interesting, but antagonizing Defense minister Lei would not have been good for him so he planned to keep it to himself.

After searching through the rooms, they went to the underground prison and came upon a surprising prisoner there. It was Zhong Hua's personal maid. Zhong Hua had passed away a year earlier and he did not keep track of her servants, but it was surprising that the Crown prince would have bothered with keeping her servant here all this time...He was not aware of any enmity between the two. 

Prince Yi despised Zhong Hua, as she did him and he had no sympathy for the maid who had dared to whip his mother all those years ago. Even the very thought of that scene made his blood boil. But he was curious about why the Crown prince kept her there and so he had his men move the unconscious maid and have her checked. 

But it was when that maid woke up that was when his world turned upside down. All this time, he had thought of the Empress as one of the few good people who existed in the dark and cold palace. He had been grateful and had always held her in esteem for her goodwill in saving his life as a child...She had been his source of hope at one time. 

But then the maid said that the Empress killed his mother, no, she let Zhong Hua do it...He found it inconceivable. Zhong Hua was cruel and cruel and she needed no reason to harm others, but the Empress was warm and kind, he could not fathom it.

He went from silently snickering at the fact that Jun Kai had been happily parading the person who framed his own blood mother as his "mother" to a confused panic and raging emotions. 

His mind was confused and racing. The Crown prince must have known about his mother, and perhaps did not tell him about the maid because of that, to spare him? That thought sent a surge of guilt through him so he quickly dismissed it. 

{...No, it wasn't to spare me, it was to have evidence against the Empress, he must not have trusted me, that's why...that's why he would have kept it secret...He - he would have done the same. I did nothing wrong to him...I owe him nothing!...}

His eyes fixated back on the maid and he unsheathed his sword and put it at her throat as he demanded an explanation. And with a few more words from the crumbling woman, it made all the nonsensical sense in the world. 

He realized that it was his fault, he had brought his mother to the limelight. It was because of him that she had crossed paths with Zhong Hua, his mother always stayed out of everyone's way and kept to their little courtyard. He was also the one who brought Jun Kai there, he was also the one who went to look for Jun Kai...It was his fault. 

In the heat of the anger and confusion of his whirling thoughts, he ran the maid through with his sword. He needed to end someone and so he did. She confessed it was her hands that delivered the poison, so she deserved to die. 

But it was still not enough.

He still could not want to believe it, and so he went to investigate it on his own. He captured the Imperial doctor who had seen to his mother and after a long bout of torture and threats. He admitted that he was paid off...and even the medication he had given were to further her demise. 

His head was spinning and the realization of his stupidity hit him again. He had been played for a fool on so many levels. The concern he was grateful for all these years was nothing more than a mockery of his own foolishness. He thought of how much she must have laughed behind her smile as he always looked on at her with gratitude. He had even been jealous of Jun Kai all these years for having the good fortune of being her adopted child.

It was all his fault.

{...No, it's not my fault...It's his fault, it was because of him...If not for him, I wouldn't have gone there, if not for him, my mother would not have - and I wouldn't have had to kill the Crown prince, if not for him...None of these would have happened...Who the hell is he that he should have that much sway over every one's life?!... It's his fault! Everything is his fault! It's his existence that's a problem. It's his fault!... Not mine...}

He could not tell his father, even if he did, he would not care...He would never admit it, but he did not want to ruin the budding relationship between them. He could not disappoint him and so he killed the Imperial doctor too. 

Then he went to his mother's grave and promised to get revenge for her. He would have them all bow before him. He finally had his father's support and he could see the way forward. But he would not forget and he will ruin them all.

"Your highness." A voice called, dragging Prince Yi back to his reality. Prince Yi looked up from his spot on the ground surrounded by empty jugs of wine, to see Tian Ji in front of him. He let out a breath and asked in a weary husky voice, "What is it?"

"Young master Zhao is here to see you." Tian Ji informed. Prince Yi immediately scowled. Zhao Chang was that woman's nephew...but unfortunately, a long time friend of his. Initially, Zhao Chang had been part of the Crown prince's circle but then he later distanced himself as it became clear that the Crown prince stood against the Empress and his family.

But still, Zhao Lan had maintained contact with Prince Yi and had become his only good friend. When he found out that damning truth, he tried to push away Zhao Chang then, but he always came back to him and even tried to placate him despite not knowing the reason for his change in attitude. He was simple and loyal. Prince Yi had never had anyone be so resilient for his cause before and so he could shun this friendship.

But right now, he felt that if he saw him, he might just kill him and he knew he would regret it. "I don't want to see anyone right now." Prince Yi said as he covered his face with a hand.

{...I'm tired...Nothing has gone my way, everything...always falls apart for me...He was born lucky and I was unlucky...}

Tian Ji quietly bowed and left Prince Yi alone to continue his brooding.

{...*Hmm...He's not exactly lucky...but I guess he's not unlucky...}

Prince Yi snorted, he did not even have the energy to be angry.

{...Again, you're here to speak up for him...as always...}

The Voice gave a long sigh.

{...*No, I'm here for you...Nothing works for you, because you are chasing after what's not for you...It's surprising you're fixating on him this much, I thought you would have -....Hmm, I guess he made quite the first impression then...He does have that stubborn face, coupled with an attitude that makes you want to punch him. I quite enjoyed that by the way, serves the stubborn brat right! Hehehe~...}

Prince Yi frowned.

{...*Don't worry, if he comes for payback in the future, I'll protect you...For now, how about leaving life here to travel and chase after enlightenment? Huh? This throne is useless, romance is overrated, not necessary, not necessary at all. Having to chase after someone and decode their feelings is tiring work...Life alone is great, I can do what I want when I want, how I want...most of the time...Forget that part, my point is alone is nice...and if you get lonely, you can find a baby and raise it, babies are adorable and wonderful...most of the time...}

Prince Yi sighed as he listened to the voice rambling, and then tiredly said out loud, "What are you talking about?" 

{...*Nothing! Anyway, stop fixating on him...You don't really want the throne, do you?... Forget it and we can go traveling. Oh! Yes, you can officially become my student? I don't accept students normally but I have taken a liking to you after all this time so I will make an exception, how about it? I can show you all the wonderful things this world has to offer an-... }

{...I am not going anywhere...}

Prince Yi took a big gulp from the wine, then he got up and smashed the jug and left the room.

{...And I am not fixating on anyone...}