CH 10

I ran, ran, and ran, but still could not find Kaede.

My breath was getting heavier, and my lungs were gradually becoming painful. No matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find Kaede.

And the rain became heavier and heavier. My rain-soaked hair became damp, sloppy and heavy.

The rain was making visibility worse, and I repeatedly asked myself if I could really find her, or if I would find her at all.

At that moment, I heard the sound of a railroad crossing nearby.

Normally, I didn’t hear it very often, but today, for some reason, I heard it clearly and distinctly.

It was as if someone was telling me to find them.

But at the same time, I felt impatient. I turned pale, thinking the worst, thinking it couldn’t be true.

I hurried to the crossing, and ran, not caring about myself right now, just running for the only girl who was never loved by her parents.

(I’m supposed to hate women.)

I’ve changed, I thought to myself … and just ran along and found a woman standing there near a railway crossing.

It was too dark to see much, but I knew it was Kaede.

Kaede was trying to lean over the crossing. Yes, she was trying to kill herself.

(I knew it. She is trying to kill herself.)

I pulled her arm and hugged her toward me, and in reaction, we fell to the ground.

Her blonde hair felt wet and heavy. Kaede slowly turned around and let out an absent-minded voice, “Ah, Hayasaka-kun.”

The next moment, a train passed with a rattling sound.

If I hadn’t gotten there in time, she would have been crushed under the train by now.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT!”

“Hayasaka-kun, you heard that, didn’t you? I’m not needed, I should never have been born, I’m worthless.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I don’t want to think it, I want to think it’s a lie, but I can’t stand the thought that even my mother, whom I trusted, would say that to me.”

Then she looked at me with tears in her eyes. It was as if she was wishing me to make it easier already.

The rain was still falling. As if representing Kaede’s heart, the rain continued to fall strongly, sadly, and coldly, soaking the bodies of the two of us.

“Your father doesn’t think you’re needed, Kaede, but there are people who need you.”

“No, the only people in my class are those who approach me on the basis of my appearance, without knowing the real me.”

“There is no one who needs me, not my teachers, my friends, or even my family,” she said in a trembling voice, as if she was pleading for something.

I gulped, took a deep breath, calmed my slightly tense body, and prepared myself.

“I…I need you, I need you”

“Eh…”

“So don’t think anymore that you are worthless or that you wish you had never been born.”

The tears that she’d been holding back until now overflowed from her eyes all at once. She was shedding more tears than when she ran out of the house.

I didn’t try to comfort her, I just held her gently.

“Don’t look at me, it’s embarrassing”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about now, right?”

“There still is….” 

“All right, I won’t look”

I heard Kaede crying and sniffling, but I didn’t look at her face.

I gently held Kaede close to my chest and waited for her to stop crying.

“Never think no one should have been born, everyone has the right to be happy from the moment they are born.”

Kaede had been crying for exactly 30 minutes before she stopped. She cried for that entire time, and I could see her swollen, red eyes when the light shone on them.

I got up and gave Kaede, who was sitting down, an unaccustomed smile.

“Let’s go home, our home.”

“Can you stand up?” I asked, But she cried so much that she fell sick, so I had no choice but to put Kaede on my back and go back the way we had just run.

By that time, the rain had already stopped and the moonlight was shining through the clouds.

In the light of the moon, Kaede was sleeping on my back, sighing and moaning in her sleep.

(Really… pretending to be an adult, but in the end you and I, we both are children…)

I felt the light of the moon pushing me to go on, little by little, just the two of us.