Chapter 43

Lu Havre looked back at Ashite several times. He was used to looking at her while pretending he wasn’t. He was a little nervous. Ashite had drunk five glasses of alcohol already. Oh my. The alcohol was sweet but strong. <> Lu Havre thought to himself.

Even though he was speaking with other people, he still paid attention to Ashite. Then, she suddenly stood up and stared in his direction. He laughed to show her his smile, but she didn’t seem to look at it. She went straight to the balcony.

<> Lu Havre suddenly thought. <>

The music was about to change. The orchestra had played soft dance music so far. The quiet atmosphere for lovers continued. Lu Havre told the others he would be away for a while and headed toward the balcony. He didn’t care what the people he had been speaking with would think. He strode to the door.

He knocked on the door. He could only see the red curtains. <> If that were the case, she probably would have told him that she wanted to rest before she left. He didn’t want to leave her alone. No matter how many times he thought about it, he didn’t want to leave her alone.

“Ashite.”

There was no answer, so he opened the door carefully and stepped out onto the balcony. The night breeze touched his cheeks. He only heard the sound of the closing door. Ashite leaned close to the balcony railing. She looked back at him.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked.

He tried not to let it, but a sigh slipped out.

“…No,” Ashite answered.

Her voice seemed to disappear with the wind. However, Lu Havre did not miss what she had said.

“Then why…” Lu Havre trailed off.

He left his statement vague. He was not sure if he could ask her.

But Ashite felt the same, and she wanted to ask why.

<> Ashite wondered.

“Ashite,” Lu Havre said.

She heard the faint sound of music, as if it was telling her it was not a dream. It was quiet at first but then grew louder.

<> Ashite thought to herself. She was not sure whose breath she was hearing. Her head rang. She felt dizzy. She felt like she lost herself, the woman who danced that false calm. She had no idea what to do. <>

She really did not know. She could not find the answer. She wandered through the maze of her thoughts.

Light leaked through the door. Lu Havre held out his hand under that light. He was a brighter man than the lantern of the banquet hall. He seemed to laugh at the end of the maze.

“Would you—”

Lu Havre looked directly at her as if he had made up his mind. He took a few steps. He could reach out and touched her cheek.

“—dance with me?”

Ashite never rejected Lu Havre. She bit her lip and clenched her teeth. It would not surprise her if tears started falling. Her eyes were burning. Not only did her hands and feet feel numb, but her heart had also started to feel that way.

But she could not help it. How could she pretend not to know this hand? Ashite held his hand.

Her fingers trembled. She could not lift her head properly. A warm hand that wrapped around her delicate waist. She placed her little hand on his solid back.

The crickets chirped. The wind was soft, and the night sky was clear. The stars embroidered the dark sky with yellow and white. It was a warm night where a child could fall into sweet dreams.

Ashite moved her feet but didn’t look right at Lu Havre. He looked down at the crown of her head. Her hair didn’t lose its light in the darkness. Lu Havre hesitated a bit before he whispered something to her. The saying that had lingered on his tongue now whirled on her ear.

“Ashite. It is good manners to look at each other’s eyes when you dance.”

<<…I know,>> she thought.

But Ashite didn’t open her mouth. Lu Havre spoke again in a low voice. He whispered carefully.

“Don’t you know?” Lu Havre asked her.

“…Yes, I know,” she answered slowly.

Lu Havre became more and more restless. He felt like she would disappear somewhere soon, even though he felt her warmth vividly and was holding her soft hand tightly. The thought that he did not want her to go hovered on the tip of his tongue again, and finally, it slipped out into the wind.

“Then why aren’t you?” he asked.

<> Ashite thought to herself.

But she could not say that to him. She could not ignore it either. Ashite barely lifted her head up and looked at Lu Havre. She suppressed the part of her that wanted to avoid his gaze.

Ashite’s eyes were shaking. Her yellow eyes and his red ones became tangled.

Lu Havre always tried to check her facial expression. He had become nervous recently because she was always trying to hide her face. He wanted to see her yellow eyes instead of the top of her head.

At that moment, there was only the two of them. Her face was close that he could see her expression easily. He noticed her red cheeks and shaking eyes.

It was as if someone forced his head down firmly.

<> Lu Havre thought to himself.

Lu Havre was convinced. His hope glowed in her yellow eyes.

<>

“Ashite,” he said.

It was a sweet, warm, and low voice that Ashite had never heard from a man before.

“I…”

“…”

“Ashite,”

“…”

“I have…”

“…”

“…I have you in my heart,” he finally said.

Lu Havre laughed softly. The quiet atmosphere was ticklish. His light laughter rang out shortly.

Ashite felt vacant.

He had whispered it tenderly. It was his eyes that looked carefully at her. She knew exactly what he meant; it connected the past and the present to the future. He had said he loved her.

His eyes, face, words, and hands struck her like a wave that had come without a sign. She went weak at the knees. She wanted to sit down and cry like a child.

But the truth was, there had been signs. Ashite knew it. Nevertheless, she tried to justify it, comforted herself, and ignored everything. But at that moment, he was telling her that he had her in his heart.

<> Ashite thought to herself. Suddenly without sound, her tears had begun to fall. <> She clenched her teeth.

<>

However, she could not do that. She was blinded by peace, so she received his pledge document and Etutu as a guard. She could not see anything else, nor could she have dared to refuse the favor of the king. Soon, she found out that he was not the type of man who would treat women carelessly, so she couldn’t help it. Everything felt right, so she just let everything stay the way it was. But she should have refused him. Her tears fell one by one. Since when? Why?

She could not answer. Ashite realized something, not through rational thinking but with her intuition. There was something more important. <> she told herself.

<>

Ashite’s tears didn’t stop. They ran like an endless spring. She had thought solitude would be fine. She was scared that she would never like anybody again, so she closed all her doors and built up walls. She thought it would end with her younger brother.

<> Ashite thought.

<> she asked herself. Her tears wetted her cheeks.

<> Ashite questioned herself.

<> she told herself.

<> The words in her head were loud. Her shoulders and fingertips trembled. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Ashite realized that she was crying.

“…I…” Ashite began to speak, but then stopped again.

<> Ashite thought to herself. But the feelings rose from the corner of her heart.

In that moment, her emotions rang throughout her heart.

<>

Ashite realized something.

“…Your Majesty…” Ashite said.

And then everything was new. <> Ashite wondered.

<> she asked herself.

“Ashite.”

He called her name again; Ashite. When she fell deeply into her thoughts, there was a man who led her back to reality; this very man. She felt like she was in her mother’s arms.

“Ashite.”

He called her again. He held her hand tight. The warmth radiating from him was vivid. At the moment, she had an idea.

<> Ashite was deep in thought. The light spread in the dark and damp parts of her mind. Like always, she found hope through something small. Ashite started thinking again.

<> Ashite told herself.

It seemed as if she had finally found hope and possibility. Ashite wanted to cry.

Or she wanted to smile. She felt like she was back to being a child again when she didn’t know anything.

She had no idea when or why this had happened. His heart weighed stronger on her mind than those thoughts. She was opening her doors for this trivial opportunity.

No, it wasn’t trivial. So, she didn’t want to throw it away.

The tears flowing over her blushed cheeks did not stop. Lu Havre’s casual face had collapsed a little. He felt embarrassed. His face clouded as if he didn’t know what to do.

“Excuse me… Ashite,” Lu Havre said.

Lu Havre asked to be excused. He wiped her tears with his big, warm hand. It was a deliberate touch. “Ashi, don’t cry.” His voice struck her, sounding like spring rain. “Ashite, you are prettiest when you laugh. So, don’t be scared. Don’t cry.”

Tears surged up. She barely swallowed the tears that were about to burst forth. Ashite put her tender hand on Lu Havre’s hand. Their two hands overlapped over her cheeks. She wrapped his hand slightly in hers. Lu Havre was surprised.

Their eyes met. His eyes were very red; it was a light that blazed strongly. They were so close. The bright yellow light bowed.

“Yes, Your Majesty, I do.

“I know your heart, I know it.

“…I do, too.

“I feel the same as you,” Ashite said.

Ashite laughed with tears in her eyes, but Lu Havre felt as though her smile was beautiful and heavenly.

Lu Havre laughed so much that anyone passing by would wonder why he sounded so cheery. It was very natural.

“Ashite.”

His low voice knocked on her heart as if he were asking to come in.

“I…,” he said.

She had no choice; her tears began to run again.

“You… Ashite.”

Lu Havre seemed embarrassed. Ashite bit her lips. She didn’t want to trouble him, so she had to laugh. She smiled, but her tears didn’t stop.

“Ashite.”

Lu Havre touched her cheek. It was the softest and warmest touch. “Ashi, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

“Don’t… cry,” Lu Havre repeated.

“…”

“Don’t cry.”

Ashite tried to answer, but it was not easy. She clenched her teeth. She could not talk. Only her tears came out.

Lu Havre wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. It sat like a butterfly’s wings. He continued to wipe her teary cheeks. His warmth was getting closer and thicker.

There was nothing but the truth.

He had reached marriageable age. Soon, he would turn 30 years old. But Ashite, for now, decided to delay all other thoughts. This was the most important moment. It was no use worrying about other things. The man in front of her was the warmest. He was not a shallow man; he kept his promises. So, Ashite decided to trust him like before. There was no choice but to believe.

So, Ashite squeezed his hand. Her small hand grabbed his large hand.

“Okay,” she said.

“Ashite,” Lu Havre called her again.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” Ashite asked.

“I… you…” he began.

“I know.” Ashite laughed. Her laugh was like the light from a star. It glowed yellow even in the darkness.

“Ashite,” he said again.

Lu Havre slowly bowed his head. It was getting closer to her teary cheeks.

“Your Majesty,” Ashite repeated.

His warm breath touched her and it was as if it infused life into her. Ashite gently closed her eyes. Lu Havre slowly closed his eyes, too. His lips gently sat down as if they whispered love. Their warm breath met.

“Ashite, I… you…”