111 Forgiveness was bitterswee

Liu Sumeng's headache had grown to a magnitude that not even he had a grasp on anymore. He was not equipped to deal with all these complex interpersonal relationships that were clearly now spiraling out of control.

What he had thought was simple: Xuelan liked Anyue. Xuelan was upset by the engagement. Anyue also liked Xuelan. But was forced to accept the engagement made between their sects.

It seemed like an easy problem, at least in Liu Sumeng's mind, but it was how he had interpreted the situation from his previous life. Clearly, something went off course somewhere. Or maybe he had simply been wrong the entire time.

Either was a strong possibility because Liu Sumeng was never good at dealing with people in the first place, from his last life to this one as well.

He sighed, thoughts muddled. Sleep was fitful and restless and he almost jolted out of his room several times in the middle of the night to hunt down Xuelan and demand answers.

But now was not the time. Even when dawn dispersed and morning warmth ate away at the sheen of frost that covered glass and fern, it still was not the time. Liu Sumeng simply had too many affairs to tend to before being able to address this extremely glaring issue. And if he had to wedge it into his mealtime just to get it resolved, he would.

Currently…he was awkwardly stalking around outside the female dorms. In the past, he would simply wait on the side of the shared garden, not to close from their private space and wait for Anyue to come greet him.

However, he had no idea how to approach her after the following night and was very unsure if she would still be willing to assist him with important business. It did not help that he had largely delegated much of the supply routing to her.

Not to mention, there was a chance that she wasn't even awake, mind still addled by overindulgence during the previous night. He truly felt sorry and guilty for not stopping her, but alas.

It was too late to be regretting now. And he still had a few things to take care of before he planned to leave Reling for a few days.

Sixth Elder spotted him first, waiting behind a peach blossom tree that decorated the exterior of the women's side of the manor.

If it were any other man loitering around so close to their doors she would have chased them off in an angered frenzy.

However, it was only the Ivory Sword Saint. And she was well aware of the war preparations made between him and his future wife, their very own Chen Princess. After all, the Sixth Elder, or Elder Hanli, were also involved in said plans.

She strode over to the Ivory Sword Saint. Though she was much shorter in stature and retained a youthful appearance, it was not difficult to tell her seniority with the way she carried herself. She took long unhurried graceful strides. Her piercing sharp eyes spoke of wisdom and age, and her hands were held neatly behind her back. Though she may have been a beauty in her own right, many said that she had the pride and disposition of a man.

"Are you in search of Chen Anyue?"

"Good morning, Elder Hanli," he hesitated a little before continuing, "I do not want to disturb her. She might be...a little tired."

The Sixth Elder scoffed, "Do not think I am ignorant of your little escapade last time. It was a most indecent affair. However…I will not scold you too much. You've done a lot already for us, when many have left the south to rot over the months, despite the ominous clouds that gather at our door. So long as you remain in good spirits. So tell me, what business did you come to sort today? If Anyue is absent then I shall help you in her place."

Liu Sumeng let out a sigh, tension that he didn't know he was holding released, "Thank you."

The older woman gave him a terse nod, "Alright. I assume you're here about the shipment of sacred peach tree wood…"

The two of them fell into conversation.

"The numbers are lower than I had hoped," Liu Sumeng remarked bluntly.

"It can't be helped," Elder Hanli began, "After all--"

But she was promptly cut off by a new voice that came into the conversation, "The Wang and Suo family have not been very cooperative in sharing their boon, but we are still under discussion with them."

Chen Anyue basked under an early morning glow as she walked up to them. Her hair was neatly tied back and her heart-shaped face glowing with dewy beauty. Her eyes were bright and almost gray in hue. She did not look tired at all and there was nothing to tell of her strange behavior last night or her awkwardness with Liu Sumeng.

She acted as though nothing had happened at all. When she walked over, there was a powerful scent of perfume that hovered over her of earthy floral tones. Chrysanthemum, peonies and something else, sharper and spicier.

"Please don't worry so much about the materials. Anyue will see that they will be delivered to Reling at the earliest convenience. I hope you can find me reliable."

"..." If Anyue was going to act normally, Liu Sumeng would do so as well, "Of course. I will trust you then."

He assumed that this meant nothing was wrong. After all, this time, he had gotten his intentions and feelings across very clearly and Anyue no longer denied his wishes even after a few too many cups of alcohol.

There should be no problem.

Their parting was equally as pleasant and Liu Sumeng liked to believe that one major part of his problem was solved. Which left the other, Yuan Xuelan.

He had an hour left before he was due to meet Hui Moxiang.

And thus he took this time preparing for his trip and looking for Yuan Xuelan around the corners of the manor.

But the younger was nowhere to be found. He was not in his room nor the library. Not the training court either or around the main hall, where Liu Sumeng went to bid farewell to Sect Leader Chen.

Was Liu Sumeng…perhaps being avoided? His heart dropped. He wanted to linger around longer but there was an appointment to be made, things that had to get done. A sigh escaped him, bone-deep frustration gnawed at him as he accepted his fate.

As much as Xuelan was dear to him, over all other things in the world, Liu Sumeng understood that his duty had to come first and foremost. People's lives depended on it, including Xuelan's as well.

So he had no choice but to return to his study and retrieve the samples he was keen on testing out.

Only, when he returned there was someone else there snooping around his things.

When he slid open the door, the Ivory Sword Saint paused. "What are you doing?" His voice failed to retain any sternness and was especially soft.

His things were laid about in a mess on his desk, blueprints, models and prototypes for all the things he'd been working on.

Yuan Xuelan jolted upward from behind the desk, knocking the chair over. Dark eyes went wide as wheat-colored skin became flushed, blooming red. "Oh, I, uh, I." His mouth flapped open, trying to string together words but couldn't.

A gentle chuckle escaped Liu Sumeng's lips, he was hopelessly endeared, "If you were so curious about my work, you simply had to inquire about it."

"But it wasn't me! It was that bird, she--" His voice stopped there, head bowed in guilty shame.

The door slid close behind him. Liu Sumeng came over to see exactly what Yuan Xuelan had rummaged through. He picked up the chair first before looking over at the diagrams of the spell-casting ballistas and essence replication talismans on the table.

Yuan Xuelan gulped when Liu Sumeng ventured close, his eyes peeked upward shyly through the corner as he chewed his lips.

The Ivory Sword Saint pretended to be interested in the mess on his table while he allowed Yuan Xuelan the time to gather his wits.

"Sorry, Sumeng. I was in the wrong."

"Hmm."

"I shouldn't…I shouldn't have looked through your things without asking."

"You shouldn't have," Liu Sumeng agreed.

If possible, Xuelan's brows screwed together even tighter, his shoulders tense and hunched. His knuckles, against the dark varnished wood, were turning white as well. Liu Sumeng resisted the urge to place his hand on Xuelan's back.

"I…I shouldn't have…k-kissed you when you were sleeping. I hope that…Sumeng can forgive me for my transgressions. I was in the wrong. I won't ever do it again. I promise."

A soft chuckle.

Yuan Xuelan's jaws were locked in nervous tension. He was so terrified to look up, but when he did, he was blown away.

Sunlight spilled in from the window behind them, its bright rays caressed Sumeng's dark locks that framed his face. From this angle, Yuan Xuelan saw his striking profile that made his gut flutter so vividly with butterflies.

Was there a person more beautiful than Liu Sumeng? Absolutely not. Yuan Xuelan would sharply contest anyone who dared tell him otherwise.

Sumeng's lips were just slightly upturned. His sharp eyes and straight lashes pointed downward, with an expression forlorn. That smile was strained and he swallowed in a way that spoke of tragedy. The expression of his face was lovely in its depth. How could Yuan Xuelan ever think him cold? How could Xuelan's dreams be filled with Liu Sumeng being so distant and calloused toward him?

But Liu Sumeng seemed like his mind was elsewhere, caught in melancholy that Yuan Xuelan could not understand. Was it because of what he'd done? Yuan Xuelan's stomach sank.

"Sumeng…Won't you forgive me?" He pleaded. Uncertain, he grabbed onto the hem of Liu Sumeng's sleeve. He did not mind throwing away his pride or little sense of shame if that's what it took to win back this person's favor. He did not mind.

"..." Liu Sumeng was frustratingly quiet.

The Ivory Sword Saint's thoughts lingered on a bygone time. When Yuan Xuelan would kiss him forcefully and claim ownership of his body and soul.

Those actions were not done with any kindness.

Liu Sumeng wanted to avoid such an outcome if he could. Only now he was struck with the realization that he had no desire to listen to Emperor Taixu's vacant apologies anymore. He did not want to be the one to burden Xuelan's hatred, his insanity.

But the Yuan Xuelan that looked at him so desperately right now was not one who suffered from madness.

He could not understand this Xuelan. This Xuelan was different from the Emperor he had hoped to save. This Xuelan kissed him gently and begged for forgiveness with the fullness of his heart.

But why was it that Yuan Xuelan became so dependent on him again? He could try to save this child from his own folly, but he could not give him any form of emotional fulfillment. He was not Yin bodied and did not compliment Xuelan's Yang energy. He could not be the final piece that balanced Yuan Xuelan's temperament nor his soul.

Liu Sumeng understood this with visceral clarity. He had already tried and failed in his previous life. And Chen Anyue was right here, still alive, so why…? She would easily be able to soothe Xuelan's ails. She would have all the right things to say like she always did. Why did things end up so complicated?

Liu Sumeng pulled his sleeve out from the hand that clung to him and watched the way Yuan Xuelan's face fall from heartbreak.

"Don't be so sad," Liu Sumeng said gently, "I forgive you. So don't be sad."

Forgiveness was bittersweet. Yuan Xuelan did not miss the way that Sumeng pulled away.