Chapter 44

I could hardly hear him. I spaced out. He took issue with the fact that I knew his secret taste of foods. For example, he hates fish dishes, he likes to drink red wine Beloit produced in 900 by the imperial calendar and white wine Freia produced in 928 by the imperial calendar, he prefers fresh desserts that are not sweet. He prefers chamomile tea, which induces a good night’s sleep because of light insomnia, and he hates anything that tastes strong. This kind of his taste is known only to a very few inside the imperial family, but completely unknown to the outside world.

I had discovered his taste through careful observation during the days when I had been hanging around to draw his attention by all means. I had found it all out little by little in desperate hope that he would like or pay attention to me if I did it. She informed the palace office about her findings.

‘Although I vowed that I would never repeat my past behavior, I found myself directing the kitchen staff from habit to prepare food suitable for his taste.’

What did I do for the past three years? Why did I struggle to learn fencing that didn’t fit me at all for the past three years? Was the three years not long enough to erase the seventeen years I spent to live as his woman?

I gave a hollow smile. I was so scared of him, but at the same time, I took care of him unconsciously, which meant that my body and soul were still his hostages.

Even if I’m trying to push him out now, someday I may find myself sticking around him.

I might again be hurt while hoping for his love and eating my heart out while watching him smile at Jiun and then…

“What are you thinking? Why are you losing your mind?”

I turned my head at his cold voice while I was almost out of my mind.

He said, looking at me as if he was aghast, when he looked at me taking a big breath and blinking his eyes, “Let me ask you once more. Why are you so scared of me? ”

“… ”

“Why are you avoiding me when you know my tastes so thoroughly? I really don’t understand.

I already promised you that I would keep your status as my wife, so you are not avoiding me because of the right to succeed to the throne. Why are you refusing to be my woman? ”

“…Your Majesty.”

I felt like a danger signal was ringing somewhere.

‘Please stop, please stop. Don’t push me anymore!’

“Isn’t everyone saying that you are the child of God’s prophecy or my partner sent by God, right? Why are you refusing me? You are destined to be my wife, right?”

I heard a humming sound coming from somewhere. It looked like I heard another young man’s voice overlapping with that of the crown prince sitting in front of me. What I heard again was clearly the prince’s voice.

“Is it because you want to be the successor to your family? Why are you rejecting the status of the next empress? If you become my wife, your child can be my successor, right? Even if you are from the great Monique family, your status can’t be compared to that of a marquis’s daughter.”

This time I saw another man who seemed older than the prince talking to me.

‘Stop! Please stop!’

I felt something was disconnected suddenly. I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to see the two young men with identical faces. I closed my ears because I didn’t want to hear their cold voices. I got frozen with their coldness that spread up to my fingertips. Their cold expression, cold voice and cold-heartedness did not let me go. It looked like the world was cracking like a broken mirror.

Clang!

“Stop! stop! Please stop! Ahhhhh!”

I saw the old him smiling coldly behind him walking toward me hastily. I saw the old him throwing me away coldly touching his forehead with a confused look. I saw the old him following Jiun, leaving me behind as I was bleeding, after calling for an imperial doctor while holding me after I fell.

The world went round and round. Darkness fell on me. Suddenly, I was falling endlessly into a familiar abyss.

When I opened my eyes, the world was covered with all white and black. I slowly blinked my eyes as everything around me was black and white. It didn’t matter anyway as long as I felt so cozy and comfortable.

“Are you up, my lady?”

“… ”

“I am so sad when you collapse like this, when I feel you look okay.”

“… ”

Who is this woman who is making a fuss? Oh yeah, she is Lina, my one and only maid who has been with me since childhood!

“Let me come back after telling him that you are awake. Please wait, young lady!”

I heard her running away quickly.

While looking blankly at the crest of the family embroidered on the carpet, I looked out the window. The blue sky turned also all gray, whose color seems to have no joy or sorrow.

Carried away with that beautiful color, I looked at the sky for a long time.

“Are you up?”

“Hey, what happened… Oh, have you come to your senses now? ”

I turned my head slowly. The two men were whispering something, which I couldn’t figure out. I heard their voice, but I couldn’t understand what they said. It was like birds singing and water flowing.

“… of the Imperial Palace.”

When the young man mentioned that short word, the middle-aged man stepped forward. He approached me and said, “Lady Monique, have you come to your senses?”

“… ”

“Can you hear me, Lady Monique?”

“… ”

I turned my head because I was annoyed by the noise constantly bothering me. I liked the serene gray sky very much. I looked out the window, ignoring the noise around me.

“… Let the marquis know of her condition right now.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Your Majesty, your schedule is being disrupted. You don’t have time to delay. ”

“How can I leave her left alone like this?”

“But, Your Majesty…”

“She is my fiance. Besides, this is the matter involving the Monique family. I can’t leave in this situation. There should be some delay, but let me wait until the marquis arrives. It will take two days for him to arrive. ”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Their endless voices stopped and silence fell. Shortly afterwards, I heard a voice breaking the silence.

“You.”

“…. ”

“…Okay. Let me talk to you later. Take a break. ”

The crown prince, who tried to say something, turned around with his lips tight.

Carsein, who hesitated for a moment, eventually followed him.

Everyone went out, and silence fell in the room where I was left alone. I closed my eyes in the cozy silence.

When the gray sky turned black and found its color again, I suddenly got tired of seeing the sky through the narrow window. I wanted to enjoy watching the vast blue sky, so I approached the window with a staggering gait. When I opened the window wide, a beautiful gray sky came into my view.

At that moment, I looked down at the sound of someone murmuring.

A young blue-haired boy and a red-haired boy were sparring in the small training place located below the window. The royal guards were around them in a circle, looking at them. As if he found the other party’s weak spot, Carsein thrust his sword.

While watching them duelling, I raised my head. When I was trying to look at the gray sky, I heard several people drawing their swords simultaneously.

‘Oh, it’s so noisy.’

When I looked down, covering my ears, I saw two men pointing their swords at each other’s necks. Just in case, the royal guards drew the swords, wary of Carsein as he did not yield. When Carsein, who was confronting the other party for a while, put down the sword first, the young man who slowly lowered the sword said something and turned. Carsein, standing blankly, threw the sword on the ground nervously.

While looking at him for a moment, I turned my gaze back to the sky. I liked the serenity of the sky.

“My lady.”

“… ”

“Please come to your senses! My lady, your father is here.”

“What the hell is going on? What happened to Tia?”