Chapter 80 - Measure Your Fear

~ SASHA ~

After dinner Sasha spent some time with Yhet and Kyelle at the table, watching with fascination as different Chimera came and went. Sasha's mind still struggled to comprehend that she had found her way into an entirely new world.

Then she saw a man get up from a table, wave goodbye to his friends, and shift into a wolf, and it hit her all over again.

Sasha was about to ask about the different kinds of Chimera, when the conversation between Kyelle and Yhet changed to speculation about whether Zev would have found Hedin that evening, or would save his energy for the following day. Sasha listened intently, but other than learning that Hedin was close to Lhars, she didn't learn anything new.

By the time they were ready to leave, Sasha was dead on her feet. Yet, her heart pounded painfully. Now that it was dark, the forest seemed sinister, the bare branches of some trees like gnarled fingers that wanted to catch her clothing, or taken out an eye. Yhet apologized time and again for taking her off the trails when she stumbled over tree roots, or yelped because her hair caught on a twig.

By the time the trees opened and she gratefully followed them back towards her new tree house, she was ready to shower and fall into bed.

Shower. Right.

The little bathing room, as Kyelle had called it, in her home held a primitive toilet and a tiny sink, but there was no bath or shower.

As they stepped out of the thickest of the trees, Sasha was surprised to find that there were strings of lanterns lighting the way, casting cones of warm glow from tree to tree.

Then her tree came into view and Sasha almost cried with relief. Without thinking, she'd left a lantern on inside. The large, square window on either side of the door glowed invitingly.

"How do you bathe?" she blurted as they crossed the snowy ground ahead of the house. "I mean, where?"

Kyelle smiled. "That is an advantage to being on the edge of the village, the bathing pools are only a couple minutes that way," Kyelle said, pointing down the line of lanterns that disappeared into the forest off to the right of her tree house. "But the lanterns don't extend to the pools because the Chimera generally bathe in the morning. So if you go tonight, take a lantern as it's likely no one else will be there."

"No one… else? The bathing pools are… communal?" Sasha asked uncertainly.

"Yes. None of us own the land, Sasha," Yhet said sagely. "We share all resources."

Sasha's stomach dropped further. "But… is there… I mean any, I don't know, walls or… privacy?"

Yhet snorted. "I had forgotten the human shame of their bodies."

Kyelle grinned, but whacked his arm with her hand before she turned to Sasha. "No, they are natural mineral pools—warm enough to use even in the winter, and quite beautiful. But Chimera do not hide ourselves from each other, Sasha. We are too closely knit—scents give away most of our secrets, and those we can hold aren't hidden on our bodies."

Sasha almost wept. "I can't ever get clean here by myself?" Her voice was too high, quavering, and she was embarrassed that this realization was what tipped her back towards tears.

She swallowed hard as Kyelle shook her head. "Not unless you want to venture to the pools in the dark. Most Chimera bathe at the beginning of the day when they need to do it at all. Like said, just make sure to take a lantern. There's no light down there."

Sasha nodded, her stomach in her toes. Then they reached her house and despair fluttered in her chest—she had to climb that stupid ladder again. But as she took a deep breath and started towards it, she determined that she would show them. She would not complain. She would not cry. And she would figure out a way to get clean without having to jump in the pool with a bunch of horny males.

After struggling up the ladder while Yhet and Kyelle watched awkwardly, she stood on the little platform, puffing, but pleased with herself. "Thank you for all your help today. Both of you," she said. "I know this wasn't how you thought you would spend your day. I'm grateful."

Kyelle nodded graciously, then farewelled Yhet, before disappearing back into the forest herself.

Then Yhet turned to her. "You've done well today, Sasha. Better than most of the scientists do their first times."

Sasha found herself oddly proud. "Thank you, Yhet. And thank you for helping me when Zev had to leave. That's been… difficult."

Yhet shrugged. "He would do the same for me," he said simply. "Will you be okay to sleep alone?" he said worriedly, as if this were odd to him.

"Yes!" Sasha said hurriedly. "I'll… I'll be fine!"

"Very good. Then I will take a walk and return to my cave. But I will return at daylight. Sleep as late as you like. I will be here when you want to go to breakfast."

"Thank you, Yhet!" She leaned down to put a hand on his broad shoulder. "You've saved my life today."

He snorted, and his cheeks colored, but his smile stretched his cheeks like a child's. "I did no such thing. But I'm glad that you felt safe."

He patted her hand on his shoulder awkwardly, then Sasha straightened and went inside.

With the warm light inside, the outside suddenly felt menacingly black. Sasha tried to wash her face and arms before changing into the massive t-shirt she usually slept in. But when she peeled back the covers on the soft bed at the side of the room, her thigh itched and she grimaced.

She hated going to bed dirty.

But apparently, she was going to have to do that until she got the courage to bathe in front of strange men—in numbers.

She looked out the window to the blackness outside. Unless she went now? Kyelle had said it was only a couple of minutes away. And warm.

She could run down there, leap into it and scrub herself, then come back to bed and… She bit her lip. Did she have the courage to go out into the forest, in the dark, on her own?

She walked back to the window. She could barely see anything except the moon high in the sky, but she knew there were lanterns to lead her to the bathing pools… was that the answer? She would simply bathe at night?

Was she more afraid of the dark? Or of being seen naked by strangers?

Sasha discovered that the answer to that question was simple, and she turned to look through the cupboards until she found a thick towel, grabbed the soap from her sink, and trotted to the door before she lost her nerve.

*****

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