2 Weirdoes Make Weird Friends

Ye Xiao was too shocked to close his mouth. Even though he had been calm all along, he could have never imagined that this seemingly impossible miracle had actually occurred.

This body… actually belonged to someone else…

At the moment, where Ye Xiao stayed at was the Land of Han-Yang [1], the mortal world as it was known in the Qing-Yun Realm.

Although his body originally belonged to a stranger, he still retained the name Ye Xiao, as he and the former owner of the body coincidentally shared names. The previous Ye Xiao was the son of the Northern General Ye Nantian in the Kingdom of Chen [2].

It was in the General’s House where our main character, Ye Xiao, awoke in his second life.

Yesterday, the original owner of the body had been drinking all night long with his disreputable friends, before he got home and died because of an excruciating pain in his belly.

At that time, a tiny piece of Xiao Monarch’s soul was still active and coincidentally flew into the dying body.

“I think I can understand my situation right now… No… I still don’t get it…” Ye Xiao frowned while kneading his temple, “I did feel my soul fading away… There was no way I can still be alive. How did I survive and get reborn in this body? Unbelievable…”

Even though he was quite a knowledgeable man, he still couldn’t figure out what was going on.

It was absolutely impossible for this kind of thing to happen… but, it had really just happened to him.

“Well, fair enough… One who is alive has hopes, and now I have mine. With my extensive experience, as long as I cultivate myself correctly, I will soon become the great Xiao Monarch once again! When that day comes, I will take my revenge on the three factions and kill them all! NO MERCY!!”

He gnashed his teeth with a combative look.

The three factions had spared no efforts to deal with him, and they had finally beaten him to death. However, they could have never thought that the Xiao Monarch they had painstakingly killed was still breathing at this moment.

“Bastards, one of these coming days, I will surprise you all!” He thought.

While he was collecting his thoughts, he was suddenly assaulted by a pain inside his belly, causing his expression to turn ugly. It was an unbearable pain that felt like his intestines were being torn apart.

“Damn! Now I know how this kid died… He was poisoned…” Ye Xiao immediately realized what was happening to him, since he had lots of similar experiences. Even though he had realized what was happening, he couldn’t stop the influence of the poison on his body. He was in too much pain that he couldn’t even wipe the sweat off of his forehead.

The boy, the son of a general, had actually been poisoned to death.

At the moment, even though Ye Xiao had taken over the body, the poison still existed, and it still had the function of causing death. However, while the poison was strong enough to have killed the boy, luckily, it was not strong enough to kill Ye Xiao!

“It’s just nothing but a Qing-Ming Fruit Poison [3]… humph.”

Ye Xiao thought; he didn’t fully treat the poison as some sort of threat, because he had identified the poison in an instant. Suddenly, his vision went black. Realizing that the poison had started working again, he decided to quickly use his spiritual qi in order to clear up the poison, but in the next moment, he was astounded to feel nothing in his body. That was when he realized that he wasn’t the Xiao Monarch of his former life anymore. Now he was just a playboy of a general’s family, who seemed to have practiced some spiritual martial arts but had no spiritual qi at all.

Thinking of this, Ye Xiao nearly yelled out painfully while performing a face-palm.

It would be a bad joke if the Xiao Monarch, who had just survived a huge disaster, would get killed by a trivial Qing-Ming Fruit Poison!

The pain was turning more and more severe as Ye Xiao gnashed his teeth. He knew that he should try to survive first before considering anything else. For now, he had no choice but to use the very last piece of his soul power to deal with the pain.

Then, he sat still with his legs crossed and grimaced due to the pain. Afterwards, he transferred all the soul power out of his mind as he quickly targeted it to the poison’s location and then pressed it right on the poison…

“Puff!” Sputter.

He spat out blood as his face turned as white as a corpse.

“Damn… my last soul power… was actually used to deal with some lame poison. Now I really am dizzy… Who would have thought that there would be a day when I would actually be so embarrassed…” He wiped away the blood on his mouth and thought, “For now, I have to remove the poison first… otherwise, this body would rot in a few days… not to mention my revenge…”

“But… even if I survive this stupid poison… I don’t have my former strength to go with my cultivation… My experience… my classy formulas… are all wasted.”

He murmured dolefully, “Right now, I am like a wealthy man walking in a brothel. I have the money to spend, and there are also girls, but I turned out to be a eunuch… A gloomy thing like this has actually happened to me. How can I be the Xiao Monarch? Why don’t I claim the title of Xiao Moron...”

Complaining wouldn’t help. He realized that he should just figure out a cure.

……

“Who’s the steward? Come quickly!” He yelled, “Go buy me some herbs.” He handed over a script where he had written a list of herbs to the steward. For the educated Xiao Monarch, spiritual qi wouldn’t be needed to cure the poison. He surely had some other way.

Looking at the obsequious steward, he felt satisfied, “Aha, well, at least it feels good to be a toff, giving orders and waiting to be served.”

“Uhh… well… sir… I am afraid…” The steward held the script, looked at it, then twitched his mouth and scratched his head with a dazed look.

“Um? What?”

“These herbs… I am afraid that I have never heard of them…” The steward spoke humbly, “My lord, I have learned many of the herbs in the world. I have also read the Ben Cao Collection [4]. Yet these herbs… Ice-fruit, Fire-leaf, Phoenix Bloom… I have never heard of them. Where did you learn these from, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Ur…” Ye Xiao slapped his own forehead.

Ye Xiao had almost forgotten that these herbs only existed in the Qing-Yun Realm. There should be none in this mortal world.

“No, no, no, I was kidding buddy…” Ye Xiao sighed, “Off you go.”

The steward scratched his head and left while feeling confused. He wondered if his young master had gone crazy. He thought, “He actually sent me for some herbs? The guy thought he could pretend to be educated after writing some strange names? Really? I don’t have any words to say.”

Ye Xiao then hurried over towards the General’s study room.

He entered the room, walked to the bookshelves and began his search for some medical books in order to find a cure for the poison.

“I knew it,” sighed Ye Xiao.

The Qing-Ming Fruit Poison wasn’t a notable poison for someone like Xiao Monarch, but it was still something from the Qing-Yun Realm. There could never be any cure for it in the mortal world.

“It seems that whoever poisoned me didn’t spare any effort.” Ye Xiao thought, “However, if it stays like this, then I am in serious trouble. There is no cure here and I am unable to reach the Qing-Yun Realm. Do I really have no choice but to wait for death?”

“Oh right, if the poison only exists in the Qing-Yun Realm… Then, how can it be here? Maybe the culprit has a few connections with people… up there?” Ye Xiao thought as a cold light shone in his eyes.

“My lord! Lord Lan has come for a visit!” A guard standing outside the door reported.

Only at this moment did Ye Xiao finally realize that the General’s House was a really weird place.

There were no females present, not even housemaids. All the people working and living here were guys.

There were a few of them who looked spirited, but they were actually disabled.

It was said that these disabled men were all ex-soldiers who had fought for General Ye.

What a virtuous General, cherishing his soldiers!

That was the first thing that Ye Xiao noticed about his current father!

“Lan? Oh, I see!” Ye Xiao stared blankly for a while before a new memory came into his mind. Lan’s full name was Lan Langlang. He was the son of the Southern General. Ye Xiao and Lan Langlang’s fathers were the two backbones of this kingdom, one ruling the north and the other ruling the south.

Ye Xiao and Lan Lang-Lang were both sons of generals. Oftentimes, their fathers would be away from home for years at a stretch, so they, at some level, shared similar feelings. That was why they hung out with each other and had eventually become bros. However, while the former Ye Xiao was a free nut, Lan Lang-Langwas unable to act too improper because of his mother.

There was even the full origin of Lan Lang-Lang’s name.

The Southern General was a stammerer. The day before Lan Lang-Lang was born, he was riding a carriage on his way home when he fell asleep.

He had a dream while he was sleeping. A dream about sailing in the rough seas on a ship.

When he got home the next day, Lan Langlang was born, and the family wanted his father to name him.

At that time, he was telling the others about his dream, but he suddenly felt so thrilled when he heard the birth of his son that he stammered, “La... Lang… Lang… Lang Lang…” [5]

Then the steward turned around and yelled, “The General has decided… My young master is named Lan Langlang…”

And that’s how it was. Lan Langlang got his name and became famous for it.

The difference between Lang and Langlang was like south and north, heaven and hell!

“Xiao-Xiao, I heard that you were intoxicated last night.” The girly voice of Lan Langlang came in before he could even step into the room, “Hah! Only a wise man like me would have gotten away early, and thank god that I did… otherwise, I would have been led to become a bad guy by you playboys…”

Ye Xiao got angry and cursed, “Lan Langlang you prick! Stop calling me Xiao-Xiao or I’ll beat you to death!”

Lan Langlang shrugged his shoulders and stepped into the room while grinning cheekily, “Were you not extraordinary last night? You actually got yourself senselessly drunk in a brothel… I have to say I admire that bro, I do!”

“Humph!” Ye Xiao rolled his eyes, “How did you know? Did you put a spy in my house?”

“Hah, hah…” Lan started laughing, “I wouldn’t bother to do that in your shitty place.”

After exchanging a few words, Ye Xiao observed his current best friend. Although Lan Langlang was born in a wealthy family, he was skinny, so skinny that his clothes seemed to be oversized, which was not actually true. The slim robe on his body clattered when he walked. There couldn’t possibly be more than 100 grams of flesh on his body. He had weirdly curved eyebrows, a flat nose, big lips and funny naturally crossed-eyes.

He was even wearing a big thick hat on such a sweltering day.

Ye Xiao learned from the new memory that there was a reason why Lan Langlang would always wear a hat. His head had been affected with favus [6] earlier in the year. He had lost most of his hair and had now become bald, so he could not help but wear a hat…

Ye Xiao sighed, thinking, “Oh no… I was reborn in a weirdo’s body, and now I have to be friends with another weirdo!”

“Oh my bloody god...”

———————

[1] Land of Han-Yang: A realm known as the mortal world where Ye Xiao’s second life starts, which is far below the Qing-Yun Realm. People who live are all normal persons or low-level practitioners.

[2] Kingdom of Chen: A kingdom in the mortal world - Land of Han-Yang, where Ye Xiao’s present father Ye Nan-Tian is a general.

[3] Qing-Ming Fruit Poison: One kind of poison that only exists in the Qing-Yun Realm.

[4] Ben Cao Collection: A Chinese medical book from the old days. Ben Cao means all plants.

[5] Lang: A word refers to 浪, means sea waves.

[6] Favus: a disease usually affecting the scalp, but occurring occasionally on any part of the skin, and even at times on mucous membranes.