Chapter 172 - Unremovable Stupidity

It was Thursday evening. A lot of things had happened but as the night approaches it was particularly peaceful, disturbingly peaceful.

"I've heard that tomorrow, the Alpha will get out of here."

Matthew glanced at Mesi.

"About time." but the latter just laughed.

While Mesi was acting as nothing happened, his two cellmates were looking at him. Teren was once their cellmate but for how long? They felt that kid was deeply disturbing. Mesi's confrontation with him put them all on the edge.

"Hey, Mesi.."

Matthew leaned onto the bars as he looked at Mesi with serious eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Do you really believe that kid is not the Devil Himself?"

"..."

Realizing it was that conversation, Mesi's face turned solemn. Derek was lying on his bed and had his eyes closed but was actually listening.

"No, I think he's the Devil Himself."

"Then-"

"But he said no."

"... that's stupid..."

Matthew scratched his head, not understanding Mesi's flow of logic.

"Can you tell us then?" this time, it was Derek who asked, "I know that it's good that you stopped yourself but if you did attack him right there and then, we wouldn't blame you."

"... it's because... I'm not a hundred percent sure that he is one unless he tells me himself."

Neither Matthew nor Derek spoke since it seemed that Mesi had yet to finish. Before long, he continued.

"You see, our family is like the worst of the worst. My mother is an owner of a brothel. Sometimes, she becomes a cheap bitch. My father always beat her. But she does it as a protest. I know it's a dumb protest but she just wants to strongly say that father should just be complacent with what we have."

There were a lot of scenes that flashed within Mesi's head. Simplifying his complicated past made him only say the important parts in it.

"But my father... he does things because he wants to, not because of the lack of money. My mother didn't believe that and continued her protest... In my eyes, they are both stupid and are in the wrong. And one night, my father caught her in the midst of that... protest..."

Mesi sighed and omitted that part.

"I've always hated them but I hate my father more. After that, he immersed himself in gang activities while I... continue to plan and kill him myself."

A glint of murderous aura flashed by his eyes. Matthew began sweating but Derek seemed fine.

"But then, he died... you know what's worse? I've had every chance to kill that bastard myself! But the way he kept mother's business, kept a memory for her, cries every night in regret, and mourns every single chance he was alone stopped me."

Mesi's face twitched but he didn't let any tears come out of his eyes.

"It was all stupid. I don't know the full story between them. As the only child, I received all the inheritance. I sold everything they own. Like bastard parents, like bastard son. I have this intense desire to stop everything stupid...! I learned that at that time, my father was working hard since the Spectre Gang will target us once they've taken over the city. That fucker... he thinks he's a good father... haha."

By then, Mesi snapped out of himself and finally, he answered Derek's question.

"I'm not a killer. I'm scared of killing someone over my emotion. I don't want this stupid world. If I kill someone, wouldn't I be just killing someone's family? Someone's friend? Someone's lover? Soon, they will look at me for revenge. Then, the cycle continues.  I don't want confirmation that the Devil Himself is in front of me. I want to fool myself thinking that I could never find him."

What does he want to do then? That was Matthew and Derek's question but even Mesi didn't know at that time.

Mesi, himself, knew he was lost. He has the strength but he didn't know how to use it. 

Since he no longer has anything more to say, Derek proposed an answer for him.

"Maybe... you want justice."

"Justice?" Matthew looked at Derek while Mesi looked at him, confused.

"Just, equality, an unreachable state of the world. Mesi, you're stuck. You think for the greater good but if you continue thinking that way, you will only be the victim in the end. You hate the stupid things in the world. However, that's just how things work. Even if you did your best for the world, will the world do its best for you?"

Derek sat up and opened his eyes to look at Mesi.

"Give and take, that's what we live for. A vicious cycle of revenge is another meaning of life to others. You don't have enough strength to change the world and make it just... but it's not the world that's been hurt, it's you and you have enough strength to save yourself. Be a little selfish."

"..."

Mesi blinked for a while before he laughed.

"Wow, hahaha, I don't think that's correct but that hit hard."

"It's just my opinion."  Derek then glanced at Matthew before returning to his former self of lying on the bed with closed eyes.

"If you wanna know what I would do in your situation, then I'll say it nice and crisp." Matthew knew that the stick have been passed to him so he raised his fist and with strength, he voiced, "I wouldn't think a single shit about what everyone thinks or what will happen to the world. I'll just do what I feel like doing! If I ever fail then at least I know I tried."

"Hahaha, I can't believe I'm taking advice from the stupid part of the world." Mesi laughed again. He then stood up and raised his fist as well. But before he could say anything, there was a clang on the bar. They all looked and it was Warden Jalner who had a pale face and a baton on hand. which he used to take their attention.

"Warden Jalner, I heard you were locked in the Playroom and had to borrow a circular saw from the fi-"

"You three are going with Alph tomorrow. Be ready."

Warden Jalner's face turned bitter as he cut off Matthew's words.