Chapter 58 - The Right Thing

“I’m so sorry….” Granger whispered. His heart was aching, and he felt as though he couldn’t catch his breath. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He looked up at her once more, but she still wouldn’t look at him. His lungs were shrinking. They had to be. Why else would it be so hard to breathe? What else would make his breaths so short?

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded once more before he scrambled for the door.

He pushed it hard and heard it slam shut behind him as he burst out into the cold air. He tripped on the stairs and landed in the snow. His body was on fire. The cold sting of the snow burned and soothed him all at once.

Finally, he could breathe.

He closed his eyes, and images flooded his mind, pictures of her body pressed against his as he kissed her neck, his hands on her breasts, the sound of her moans. Her eyes after she had pushed him away, tears streaming down her face.

“What is wrong with me?” he whispered to himself sadly, realizing that even her tear-stained face hadn’t reduced the intensity of his desire for her.

He rolled to his knees and crawled up from the ground, leaving before he could convince himself to go back inside and finish what he started.

***

The sound of the door slamming made Ashleigh jump. She looked up, but no one was there. He was gone. Quickly getting to her knees, she crawled to the door and locked it.

Ashleigh couldn’t stop the tears. The sobs that were escaping were too strong for her to control. She had been so scared, but these tears were a relief.

She was relieved he had left, that she was alone.

After another ten minutes of crying, she got herself up the stairs and into the shower. The water was cold, but she didn’t care; it kept her mind from drifting into memory. After the shower, she dressed in her most comfortable pajamas. Then, she crawled into her bed, wrapping herself in her biggest, fluffiest blanket.

Here where she felt warm and comforted, she looked back at what happened and tried to understand.

Granger had never done anything like that before. They had kissed, held hands, hugged for long periods, cuddled each other under the moonlight. There had been a few passionate kisses, but never anything like that.

Ashleigh reached for the drawer of her nightstand, and she pulled out a hand mirror. She pulled the blankets down to her waist and pulled her shirt down to expose her shoulder. Then, holding the mirror up, she looked at the spot where Granger had bitten her.

Deep red and purple bruising was already well set into the skin above her clavicle. He didn’t mark her; he didn’t bite that sacred place, but he had come close.

She put the mirror down and curled herself back into the blankets once more.

‘Was I scared of being marked?’ she asked herself. ‘Is that why I panicked?’

It would have been wrong, gone against everything they believed, an insult to the Goddess. But that didn’t feel like the reason she had gotten so upset, not entirely.

Ashleigh thought back over what had happened. Although she wanted to talk about spending some time apart, she told him they might bore each other.

‘Was he trying to prove he wasn’t boring?’ she wondered, ‘I don’t think he’s boring. I just wanted some space. I couldn’t breathe.’

The thought made her feel guilty. Granger was her mate. He was only trying to show her how much he loved her.

‘Was that love?’ she wondered, thinking of the painful way he had grabbed at her and bitten her.

A small fragment of memory leaked into her mind, Caleb’s nose burrowing into her throat, inhaling her scent. A soft brush of his warm lips and the flick of his tongue against that sacred place.

The memory alone caused her heart to race and her breathing to quicken.

She shook her head, chasing the memory away.

Ashleigh turned her focus back to Granger and herself. She needed to understand. Yes, the bite had hurt, and the way he grabbed her body had hurt. But why had she panicked? Why was she so scared?

‘Some of it felt good,’ she admitted to herself, ‘I liked the way he massaged me. I liked the soft kisses along my neck.’

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy his touch or that she didn’t desire him. It was just that Granger had surprised her, and his roughness had frightened her.

‘I overreacted,’ she concluded.

***

The following day, Granger didn’t send a message. He didn’t wait at her door to join her on her morning run. He didn’t come by during lunch, and he didn’t join her for dinner.

Ashleigh had an entire day to herself, and it brought no relief, only pain.

She tracked him two miles into the forest. He was sitting alone on the stump of a fallen tree by a small fire. He looked up as she approached, but he quickly looked away.

“You shouldn’t be here, Ashleigh,” he called out, his voice pained.

Ashleigh stopped. Hearing his voice made her waiver. She thought about the pain she had felt when he had bitten her and how roughly he had grabbed her. But the pain in his voice was real. So she closed her eyes and moved forward.

“Please, Ashleigh,” he said softly as she stood beside him, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” Ashleigh replied.

Granger looked up at her, his confusion written plainly on his face.

Ashleigh moved in front of him then sat down on his lap, putting her arms around his neck. Confused as he was by her actions, he still put his arms immediately around her to keep her from falling back.

She smiled down at him before leaning forward and kissing him.

Granger was shocked, not only by the action but by the kiss itself. Ashleigh had never been the one to take charge or make a move. Her kisses were always warm and tender, but he always deepened their kisses.

Until now.

Ashleigh pressed her lips to his and then ran her tongue over them hesitantly. Finally, he opened his mouth for her, deepening the kiss. He responded to her with vigor. Their passionate kiss was filled with both their pain and regret of the last twenty-four hours. They held to each other until both were in desperate need of air.

Granger looked up at her as they both panted.

“Ash, I’m so sorry about what happened. I should—” he began, interrupted as she kissed him hard once more.

He didn’t need to be told twice.

After ten minutes of tongue battles and bruised lips, Ashleigh finally moved from his lap to sit beside him on the log. He took her hand in his and kissed it softly.

She looked down at his hand and then back up at him.

“What is it?” he asked, sensing that there was something on her mind.

Ashleigh moved her free hand and used it to pull him into a soft and tender kiss. Her other hand lifted his and brought it to rest on top of her breast.

He pulled back from her mouth; his eyes widened as he looked down to see where his hand sat. Finally, he lifted his eyes to hers.

“Is this really ok?” he asked carefully.

“This much is,” she nodded, “gently.”

He nodded and leaned forward once more to kiss her as his hand gently massaged her breast. She moaned softly into his mouth, lighting the fire in him once more. He deepened their kiss but kept his hand moving gently.

She moved his hand as they caught their breath and looked away shyly.

“I love you, Ashleigh,” he said with a smile, “thank you for trusting me.”

She looked into his eye and smiled. It was back. That feeling that had been steady for so long but recently had been lost between them. That sense of home.

‘I guess I did the right thing,’ she told herself.

“I love you too, Granger,” she smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.