Chapter 69

Episode 69

To Get Myself Back

“Get me a poisonous cup secretly. That stupid child is weak-hearted and won’t be able to refuse my request for a cup of tea.”

When I spoke confidently, the marquis, who had been contemplating, finally nodded. The marquis had nothing to lose anyway. I sang with joy inside, but didn’t bother to show it. When I tried to go out, the marquis grabbed me.

“But… Why are you suddenly seeking the position of Crown Princess? Wasn’t it that you didn’t like him?”

Sometimes in life, there are moments when not only white lies but also disgusting lies should be told. Words that you have to say even though it feels like sores are going to grow on your tongue if you say them. I don’t know if it was misfortune or luck, but the only thing that came out here was a lie.

“This is what we usually call pushing and pulling…”

I wanted to push him to death, I wanted to pull him and stab him with a knife.

“Come to think of it, it may not be bad to marry a young and powerful person and live a comfortable life. More than anything… he’s handsome, right?”

Only then did the marquis look relieved.

Keep your guard off like that. I really want you to think I’m immature. That way, I’ll be able to take your breath away. (QC/N: in the sense of make you stop breathing.)

The marquis got a cup a few days later. It was a beautiful cup, one with a white body and delicate golden work.

The circumference of the soft curve resembled the flowers in full bloom, and the arabesque pattern was densely engraved. When I lifted the cup and smelled it slightly, there was no scent.

The marquis looked at me as I was examining the cup and said,

“It looks the same on the outside, but if you look closely, there is a slight difference on the side of the handle.”

Listening to the marquis, one cup had four petals on the handle side.

“A teacup with four petals is poisonous. Grab the unpoisoned teacup first and drink tea to avoid suspicion.”

According to my original plan, both the empress and the emperor had to be poisoned and die.

Well, I thought the empress would take care of it.

It didn’t matter if the empress survived. The empress would kill me if I wanted to. She was a woman who understood the desire to die better than anyone else. I picked up the cup and said,

“Thank you. But this cup… Where did you get it?”

“You don’t have to know.”

“Why can’t I know? I don’t want the cup to be tracked down, and then accused of poisoning her.”

The marquis sighed and looked at me with a pathetic face.

“That won’t happen. A craftsman told me to melt the poison in water and apply it with a brush, it can kill even if you consume a very small amount of it. When hot water is poured, the poison will melt naturally and disappear.”

“If it’s such a deadly poison, you could die before you finish drinking your tea. What if poison is detected in the remaining tea water?”

“Touch the glass pretending to be surprised and spill the contents, or do as you please. Do I have to teach you everything?”

“Well, that’s true too. Okay. I’ll take care of it. Anyway, he must be a skilled craftsman. It’s so pretty that I don’t want to waste it.”

Considering that it was made in a hurry, it was not wasted even if it was used in the imperial palace. spinned the cup and looked at it, then asked as I was ‘spilling’ the contents of the cup.

“I’d like to ask this craftsman for another teacup, but who is it?”

“Killed. I can’t leave a sprout of danger behind.”

The marquis spoke at once. As expected, he was not a man who would leave any regrets behind. I nodded harshly. This time, the marquis asked me.

“When are you going to use that cup?”

“There’s always a right time for everything. I’ll use it when I want, so don’t rush me. If you don’t like it, you can poison Helena with this cup.”

“You are such a boorish girl.”

“You know what? His Majesty said you and I are

alike.”

I wrinkled my nose and threw the final blow to scratch his insides.

“There’s nothing else to do, so why don’t you go back to the estate and enjoy hunting? Or go to any villa and enjoy forest bathing. Oh, or have you perhaps lost all your villas?” (PR/N:like sunbathing, but in the forest, for peace and tranquility!)

The marquis only maintained his marquis status and was deprived of all other real rights. All of them were seized by the Imperial Palace except for the ones in the eastern Kendal region, where he was born.

As I stabbed at the sore spot, the marquis’ expression hardened terribly. I should hurry up and get out of here before he starts going insane.

When I was about to lie down on the bed, the maid, led me to Anakin for a walk.

When the doctor told me that walking and sunlight would help me feel better, the maid seemed to think

that if I didn’t follow the instructions, she would die. So I sat still in the garden and waited for Anakin.

I had a dream for the first time in a long time, yesterday. It was a dream about killing the crown prince. As soon as I woke up from my dream, I threw up on the washbasin. I killed a person.

Still, no regrets. But even if it was a fictional person, even if he tried to harm me, to kill a person was to kill him. Even though the time has been deleted, the moment was still so vivid to me….. I felt guilty

When I thought about whether there were other options, the answer was no. However, the murder couldn’t be overlooked just because it was unavoidable.

Would it have been a little different if I ran out without stopping to breathe and called a doctor? No, they were all useless assumptions.

The crown prince, who died by my hands, lives and breathes intact without remembering, and I’m going crazy alone in pain.

Even when I first met Hubris, Hubris said that my soul was in tatters.

How about now? Is it festering like mold? Or is it crushed to the point where you can’t find its form?

This was how overwhelming accidentally killing the crown prince was, but Helena. How dare I kill that child? That innocent girl…… How dare I… How…….

Anakin was seen in the distance. He found me and started running a little faster.

I wanted to die, but it was still cloudy.

“Have you been waiting for a long time?”

It was still cloudy.

“No, I didn’t wait that long. I want to hold hands.”

The weather……It was still cloudy. So I didn’t cry, and we could walk together for a long time.

Anakin, but I wanted to ask you something. Will you be sad when I die?

Can I still kill her?

Anakin and I have been at peace for a while. The doctor recommended that I rest for a while in a cottage with good air because I absolutely need stability.

Considering what will happen in the future, I could not leave the capital, so I instead decorated a small cottage attached to the mansion and lived alone. There, we could see each other anywhere when we turned our heads.

We acted like newlyweds. No, I don’t know what Anakin thought, but I felt that way.

At night, Anakin closed his eyes on the floor and closed my eyes on the bed. When I opened my eyes from a seizure during sleep, I saw Anakin right under my feet.

Then I was suddenly relieved and could close my eyes again.

Anakin sometimes picked up an ax and chopped firewood. Thanks to it, the fireplace in the house never went out.

In addition to heating this small cottage, the fireplace also served various functions, such as heating tea or milk, and baking potatoes as snacks. Still, I couldn’t cook properly, so the food was brought to the door by the maids every morning.

When we were full, we took a nap under the sunny sun. It was our daily routine to wake up, eat lunch brought from the mansion, play chess games while taking a nap, talk, eat dinner brought by our servants, and fall asleep.

Anakin had never played chess, but as soon as I gave him the rough rules, he quickly learned them and became a good opponent.

I learned knitting from him, probably because the stitches stretched out so badly, Anakin had to untangle the doubled stitches again.

If this was a dream, I would fall asleep again and want to continue to dream. Living like this would have been enough to weaken my heart that it was not bad to live here.

It was just that I liked him, but I had no way of knowing what he was thinking when adjusting to my rhythm. Anakin was reticent, and he was always in a position to listen rather than speak up first.

But if I brought it up for no reason, I was terrified of hearing the response that he was simply being nice to me because I was his master.

Rather than breaking my hand into a broken dream, it’s just…… I kept wanting to be mistaken.

In the meantime, the breakup of Eris Misérian was officially announced. It should have been published in the newspaper, but it was probably blocked by the imperial side. Well, there was no need to make a fuss. After all, an article about the new engagement of the crown prince was better than an article about the broken engagement anyway.

When the empress sent me a person, our house play was over. I had to dress up again and go to the Imperial Palace.

secretly took the cup the marquis gave me, then got in the carriage and looked at Anakin. Somehow Anakin looked worried.

I soothed him.

“It’s okay. I have you.”

Maybe that was something he wanted to say to me. Anakin nodded silently at my words. He hesitated and spoke quietly.

“If you can’t stand it….. Run away to the witch. In the meantime, I’ll buy time.”

I bowed my head because I laughed at the faithful word. Hearing those words, my mind sobered up. It was crazy to think about burying my bones in this unfamiliar world.

I shouldn’t have said that.

It wasn’t just a matter of loved ones. Here, I had to think and talk like Lady Misérian, so I was gradually forgetting what I was originally like.

I couldn’t do that.

“I won’t run away, Anakin.”

Thad to move on to get myself back. To get my face, my voice and my thoughts back.