Chapter 34

Episode 34: My Love Was Not Love

The carriage carrying us arrived at the destination shortly after departure. Built in an antique style, the opera house was magnificent and splendid. We were guided to a space for the imperial family—the best place here.

As we entered, the concierge pulled the curtains. Along with three seats for us, stylish finger foods and red wine were prepared on the table.

“Chloe, don’t ever think about drinking that wine.”

Daria said sternly and held up a glass of wine for herself.

“Vestie, you too.”

“Why? I want to drink it, too!”

“If it’s just the two of us, Chloe would be sad, so you shouldn’t drink either. Ask the concierge to prepare juice.”

“Oh my god. How can you be so mean…!”

I looked at the wine glass in Daria’s hand, trying not to imagine the words Vestie couldn’t bear to say.

My body, remembering how delicious wine was, reacted naturally and I swallowed my saliva.

“Well…Your Majesty, wouldn’t drinking one drink help relieve my nervousness?”

“Why are you so nervous? Relax!”

Daria cut off my timid proposal with a single word, saying that there is no need to be nervous. I sat next to her with a sullen look.

I was sipping the orange juice that the concierge had brought and the curtain rose shortly thereafter. As a space specially reserved for the imperial family, it was the best place to watch a performance.

The plot of the play is a love story between a man who has everything and a woman who has nothing. Daria vehemently criticized the story, saying it could not happen in reality, and Vestie said it was a cliche story.

Of the three, only I grabbed the railing and wiped away tears.

There was no other reason for me to cry. I just realized that my love wasn’t love when I saw those common love stories that others said were cliche.

‘Love is the desire to make the other person happy. If there’s anything he wants, it’s love that helps him, even at the cost of yourself.’

A long time ago, Kailos told me about love. As I grew up, I gradually fell in love with him, and according to his words, I tried to fulfill everything he wanted at the expense of me.

For him, I seduced another man, slept with another man, and had another man’s child……. I firmly believed that it was love. But nowhere in the common love story was the love I had.

Maybe I had a slightly special love that was different from others.  The moment I thought of that, the actor on the stage spoke,

‘Don’t call it love. If the only thing you felt as a result of your sacrifice was not happiness but despair, how could it be called love?’

My love, which had never been happy, is said to not be love. Then, what was I so desperate for? It wasn’t even love.

“Oh, my. Chloe! Your eyes are red!”

When the first act was over, Vestie looked at me and said, in surprise.

“My eyes are always red.”

“I’m not talking about the color of your eyes right now. Did you cry? After watching this?”

Vestie admired my amazing sensitivity. In fact, I wasn’t very sensitive, but somehow I felt embarrassed.

“It’d be better to wash up a little. So you can watch the next act properly.”

According to Daria’s calmer advice, I went outside to find a washroom to wash my eyes.

It is said to be the first performance of the year by the most famous theater company in the Empire. Perhaps that is why, in the hallway, there were a few nobles who I didn’t know their faces, but they looked very dignified at a glance.

I walked away from the people who were called the Marquis and Countess.  Somehow, it seemed that I was the only visitor in this space.

When I arrived at the washroom and turned on the faucet, I stared blankly at the flowing water. With my fingertips soaked in cold water I tapped the warm area around my eyes.  I looked in the mirror and my eyes were a little swollen.

Fortunately, however, it seems that I am not the only one who cried while watching the drama. I saw a couple more young noble girls, like me, who calmed their swollen eyes with cold water.

“You are Chloe Garnet……?”

A familiar voice called my name. The woman in the mirror was looking at me with an astonished look. I turned around thinking it was the worst.

“Hello, Miss Marquis Rosaline.”

“Why are you here……? No, let’s move and talk for a while.”

When people’s eyes gathered, Marquis Rosaline left me and went outside first, perhaps it was a sign to follow.

I heard murmurs from all around me.  Some of them pretended they knew me, saying they saw me at the New Year’s ball, and others brought up that I was riding in the Empress’ carriage.

I sighed quietly and walked toward the place where Marquis Rosaline disappeared.

“It’s been a while.”

The terrace, where there were few people, seemed to be a space for rest. Inwardly admiring the Opera House, where there is nothing new, I calmly greeted her again.

“It’s been a while? Are you telling me it’s been a while?”

Marquis Rosaline was angry with me. I couldn’t guess why she was angry with me, so I only blinked my heavy eyelids.

“You’re so shameless! How terrible has the castle been since you disappeared! His Excellency is so heartbroken!”

He’s heartbroken? Him?

However, no matter how hard I tried to imagine, I couldn’t imagine Kailos being heartbroken.

“How can you betray your benefactor and run away when he raised you to seduce the emperor? So shallow! If you come here today, you seem to have seduced the lord of a famous family, right? Or did you become a mistress of a high-ranking aristocrat?”

I paused for a moment at her bitterly malicious attitude.

‘What can I do to make myself not feel intimidated anymore?’

I remembered what Raymond told me not long ago when I bumped into him during the night.

‘Don’t be intimidated, not only in front of me, but in front of anyone else.’

I looked straight at the woman who always made me shrink.

Unlike me, the woman could stand proudly next to him. The woman who mocked and laughed at me hiding under his shadow was in that position.

But I was not going to shrink in front of her now, because I didn’t envy her anymore, because I didn’t want a place next to him.

“Didn’t you always want me to disappear?”

“What…”

“I thought Marquis would enjoy it the most, more than anyone else, if I left.”

“What are you talking about now?”

I’ve never raised my voice for a moment, but the marquise, who was excited, raised her voice.

“I’ve been letting it slide because you were a child who he needed, but you’re really running around without knowing the subject!”

Marquis Rosaline’s palm rose high in the sky. It was the moment when I thought she would hit my face.

“Oh my gosh, this fucking bastard! Who is the ugly one trying to hit now?”

Vestie, who opened the door and came in, shouted as she saw Marquis Rosaline. At that moment, her hand, which stopped in mid air, trembled and came down. Marquis Rosaline took a short deep breath and looked at Vestie.

“What’s the matter, Princess Caroline? Do you know this kid?”

Marquis Rosaline, who tried hard to hide her anger, asked gracefully raising the corners of her lips. It was chilling that she was the same person who had just responded to me with malice.

“Of course, you should know. It’s a very special relationship.”

Vestie smiled and grabbed my shoulder. Then she raised her voice as if to make others listen, “Chloe and I are living in sister Daria’s palace.”

At that moment, the surroundings became noisy. It was then that I found the young girls peering through the door that Vestie had left wide open.

“At Her Majesty’s palace……?”

Miss Rosaline looked at me with a look of disbelief for a moment. Then, she clenched both fists.

“That’s a surprise. That child, who had lived only in the Duchy all her life, had some connection with Her Majesty.”

“I’m more surprised by you. How can the Marquis try to slap her Empress’ hand*? My sister, with a fiery heart, would be very angry if she found out.  Daria loves Chloe very much.”

(* Empress’ person)

“…….”

Daria said Vestie has a mysterious talent for picking out only words that scratch people’s insides. Whether the words were true or not, Marquis Rosaline seemed very dissatisfied.

“Excuse me.”

She briefly gave Vestie a silent greeting. Vestie took her hand off my shoulder and crossed her arms and watched the marquis.

The marquis, who was passing by me, suddenly stopped walking and whispered in a low voice.

“I don’t know how you became the empress’ maid,”

Vestie stared at her with her eyes wide open, but the marquis continued to talk to me regardless.

“Since this happened, don’t ever come back. Kyle has already found a substitute for you anyway.”

Substitute….?

For a moment, without understanding the meaning of the word, I was dumbfoundedly frozen. With a short laugh at me, Marquis Rosaline went outside. Vestie approached me angrily.

“Are you okay, Chloe? What did she just say to you?”

Substitute…… Kailos found a substitute. My substitute.

“Ah…”

After understanding what she meant belatedly, I stared at Vestie with both eyes blinking. Vestie groaned and rubbed my eyes with a handkerchief.

“That woman! I’ll really smash her next time we meet! Don’t cry, Chloe!”

It was strange. I’m not sad, but why am I crying again when I’m not really sad?

No, I’m just a little upset. In my past life, I really devoted myself to him, with all my life. But to him, I must have been that kind of existence.  One that could be replaced with a substitute when it disappeared.

I’ve known it for a long time, but it was hard to breathe when it became a reality in front of me.

“Don’t pay attention to what the marquis said! She’s a woman who smiles and stabs a knife with her tongue!”

“…….”

Suddenly, a harsh voice came toward me with such a warm consolation that I smiled at Vestie, she then blushed and got angry.

“I told you not to cry, but why are you laughing like a fool? Really….”

“At this rate, I won’t be able to watch the show anymore.”

Cutting off Vestie’s grumbling voice, Daria approached us with an elegant gait.

“Your Majesty…..”